The Party That Never Quits

Straya Day

2012-01-25T23:13:00.001+09:30

It's Australia day ~~tomorrow~~ in an hour, and it's our kids favourite holiday next to Christmas. They've been asking for a week and a half how many sleeps it is until "Straya day" (oh yes, I raise my kids right; Bogan.) and are totally off the wall that it's only tonight.

Yesterday Amy was sitting in the couch 'reading' one of Troy's "Wimpy Kid" books and singing to herself. I figured out she was singing the national anthem, her favourite song this week. (Other than a praise song she's made up all her own that went something like "God is so big and God is awesome and up in the sky".) I managed to catch a couple of minutes of it before she noticed me :)

Which would have been awesome to post, however after trying all possible avenues, I failed
:( Not having WiFi at the moment sucks majorly.

We are going to a friends house to have a bbq, which is sure to be a fantastic time. We've been looking forward to it for a fortnight, and it's been ridiculous how giddy we have been planning it all. Hopefully the weather will hold off; it's been rather wet and windy for the last two days, thanks to the monsoon trough passing over the top of us. And what is Australia day without cricket??

Mowing, mostly.

2012-01-15T20:35:00.001+09:30

Since moving onto our block, we've been having fun playing house and tidying up the place. It's like living in cubby house, and so far the novelty of that hasn't worn off.

There's a lot of wild grass stuff that needs to be hacked away before we can do anything, so that has taken up the most of our time outside. I mowed the entire front lawn on Tuesday, which took me a good three hours or so. I thought it would be a great opportunity to get a relatively guilt free tan (since I was working) only sort of forgot about using lotion and subsequently fried my back. It's finally started to blister and peel today, so Adam is having a great time seeing how large the pieces of skin can be when pulled off. I'm letting him, because oh my gosh, the ITCH, and it's stopping that.

We were very blessed when friends of ours mentioned that they had acquired some old ride on mowers that they were going to fix up, and offered us first dibs. Adam hastily accepted, and today was able to play with his new toy. He managed to mow a substantial part of the back area of the lawn before a belt gave way, but he is incredibly delighted to have something that will make the yard work so much more easier.

The rain has finally remembered where it supposed to be, so we have been able to see how our tarpaulin is standing up to the wind and water. It is incredibly loud, especially at night, when the wind picks it up and so on and so forth, but that can't be helped if we want the water to drain off it. When we first put it up, we had it all nice and neat and lovely. Unfortunately, during a night of large quantities of rain, the water all pooled and weighed it down to the point it was nearly touching the ground! Adam and I were up at 3 in the morning trying to empty it before it broke everywhere. It was rather amusing. Normally, in any other circumstance, I'd be irritated, but knowing that it was going to be one of the stories that we'd look back on when remembering building our very first home, it made it very easy to laugh through it.

The kids are learning their surroundings, and have staked claim to a particular tree that Troy has already fallen out of. They've hooked up a swing, and quite often I see them perched up there in the branches with their drawing pads. Since there is not a lot else for them to do, they have taken to reading more, performing puppet shows and writing stories. They are good at staying in our yard, even when close to the road (we live in a cul-de-sac, so nice and quiet) since we don't have a fence yet, and are enjoying not having restrictions placed on them about where they can and can't play. They are totaly delightful in their enthusiasm for picking wild fowers for me... it makes me sad that we have to mow them all down.

The cats have settled in, they like being under the containers during the heat of the day, or under the cars during the late afternoon, and are indside with us during the evenings and nights. I am so much more aware of how much they scratch my furniture though!

In all, it's been a fun almost three weeks. It seems unreal that it's only been that long... it seems like ages already. It also makes the fact that i've ploughed my way through three series of Bones already slighly more intervention worthy. The kids are back to school in 15 sleeps, and then our routine can become a little more regimented. For now, we are just enjoying the laid back, do as we please rhythm we've got going :)

Saying YES, again.

2012-01-10T21:35:00.005+09:30

My mother used to tell me, No matter what they ask you, always say yes. You can learn later.
~Natalie Wood

To say yes, you have to sweat and roll up your sleeves and plunge both hands into life up to the elbows. It's easy to say no, even if it means dying.
~Jean Anouilh

All you have to do is say yes. Don’t make some big project out of it. Don’t make some big deal out of it. Just say yes. You don’t even know what it means to say yes, but you say it anyway. You’ll never know what it means to say yes, but you do it anyway. Freedom and Love arise when you die into the unknown mystery of being.
~Adyashanti

I have enjoyed life a lot more by saying yes than by saying no.
~Richrd Branson

Our task is to say a holy yes to the real things of our life.
~Natalie Goldberg

As I say yes to life, life says yes to me!
~Louise Hay

It is a f#@%load of work to be open-minded and generous and understanding and forgiving and accepting, but Christ, that is what matters. What matters is saying yes.
~Dave Eggers

Say no to the demands of the world. Say yes to the longings of your own heart.
~Jonathan Huie

Love is the mystical, unconditionally all-affirming yes.
~Daphne Rose Kingma

Doing work you love is the dizzying path of saying yes to yourself and yes to a brilliant, hidden self you do not yet know.
~Tama J. Kieves

Enjoy saying no but don’t make it the wellspring of your vitality. Be fueled by blood-red yeses...
~Rob Brezsny

How do you say yes to yourself? By allowing desire to be your compass and the wind that fills your sails and asking the mind to be the servant of the heart. In our culture we ask the heart to obey the mind, and it can't because it is something so vast the mind can't even comprehend it. Just let go, say yes!
~Doug Lesser

Saying yes means getting up and acting on your belief that you can create meaning and purpose in whatever life hands you.
~Susan Jeffers

When we learn to say a deep, passionate yes to the things that really matter, then peace begins to settle onto our lives like golden sunlight sifting to a forest floor.
~Thomas Kinkade

One way we can know that we are aligned with the life force that is God is that we feel more and more alive. Notice what gives you aliveness and what diminishes you, deadens and numbs you so that you only skim the surface of life. Begin to say yes to what quickens and energises, to that which brings joy and gratitude.
~Mary Manin Morrissey

Always say yes to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? What could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. Say yes to life — and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.
~Eckhart Tolle

I imagine that yes is the only living thing.
~E. E. Cummings

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Like honey

2012-01-07T20:38:00.000+09:30

Since my new years resolution from last year was

A COMPLETE RAGING SUCCESS

I decided to continue on with my zero coke idea, and extend it to all soft drink. No biggie.

Then God poked my heart and suggested that perhaps dropping all candy might be a good idea as well.

I found I substituted coke for skittles a lot last year. It was disgusting, really, because I'd eat the whole packet until I felt sick. It probably averaged out to a packet a week. Not good.

So, since my One Word for this year (post coming soon, I am fashionably late *cough*) is "YES", all candy and soft drink have been booted from my "oh I'll just grab this" list. That's fine :) I found during the past year that just reminding myself that I actually don't have to buy that bottle of coke was the easiest way of not actually, you know, drinking the stuff, so I figure it'll work the same with a bag of skittles or chickos. I was gifted box of fun sized chocolates for Christmas, however, and come New Years Day, I was wondering what I should do with them. I'm not a big chocolate eater, so I still had about half the packet left. I took it to my facebook page, where I was informed that chocolate is actually classed as a food, if made with whole milk.

oooh.... a loophole!

I decided to think on it a bit more, but I already knew the answer. Chocolate is also out, as is icecream. Icypoles are ok. I'm starting to think I need to stop with the cordial as well, since I've drunk more of that in the last 7 days than I did for the previous 6 months.

I think God is wanting me to learn self -discipline. Something I have lacked pretty well my entire life. But last year proved to me that I do have it in me, if I really set my mind to it.

Well, that and have a lot of face to lose.

I think this year, it's more than that. Sure, my stubbornness got me through last year. I think this year is going to take some relying on God... to turn to Him instead of the sugar. After all, His Word is like honey, right? :)

How sweet are Your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!
~Psalm 119:103

It's been a week since I had my last skittle and swig of lemonade. Tonight I'm struggling with a headache caused by a lower sugar level than I'm used to. I've been all weepy the last few days, and I've not been sleeping well. It's an interesting thing, to watch how your body reacts to the lack of something it's so used to. It's like it has to find new rhythms, a new centre of balance, as it were. Getting healthy is a fascinating study :)

Hello, again, hello

2012-01-04T20:11:00.001+09:30

Oh look. I have a blog. I'd almost forgotten.

So much has happened in the last I don't know how long I don't know where to start. I have so much planned for this new year I can't write it all in one post. Bullet points will do.

Last year:

We had the landlord from hell. It was not a fun year. We were screwed out of bond money, but in the end we just wanted her to GO AWAY.
My mum helped us buy a block of land and get a house on it.
We moved into our "dongas" (shipping containers) on our block. We are probably going to be living in them until September.
Adam started his psychology degree. Then stopped. He'll start again in the new year.
We got two new cats, but we had to give away our dog.
I started c25k. Then got a shin splint and busted my knee. I'm clever like that. But I continued to walk.
I totally NAILED my new years resolution to not drink Coke for the whole year.

This Year:

I'm doing ONEWORD again. I epically failed my word from last year, so I will be keeping it for 2012... "YES"
I'm hoping to start blogging more regularly. I know I say that every year, but Adam wants me to this year... and besides; living in such close quarters is bound to result in some fun.
I will have 4 kids in full time school, one in part time school, and Cora at home. It feels a little strange.
We will be building a house. Also prime blog fodder ;)
I want to read more books. I'm horribly out of practise.
I will continue to walk, and lose weight this year. My sister's wedding in in June. I vill be svelte!! (you have to do that in a stern German accent otherwise it loses it's impact. And the v would make no sense.)
Since my new years resolution last year was such a raging success, I've decided to continue on an cut ALL soft drink/soda/pop out of my diet, as well as all candy and chocolate. Ice cream is still up in the air.

It's gunna be a good year :)

Swing, swing

2011-10-06T22:01:00.001+09:30

When I was little, my favourite thing in the world to do was swing.

I have many memories from when I was small lost in my own little world as I swung higher and higher, feeling the wind against my face. I would sing... songs from the radio, songs from church, didn't matter.

I also remember God meeting me there.

Many a conversation we had as I soared (just perhaps I might touch the sky?) for hours. Little kid conversations most likely, but I do know that there were some pretty deep ones that defied my age.

As a child, I had no inhibitions about talking to others about Jesus. Now days, social proprieties and other things tend to get in the way. But yesterday, a couple of memories came, again. What's prompted the beginning of this post, is that, for both of them, I was swinging. I've always remembered them, and would think on them from time to time, but I've been recalling them fairly often the last few months, and I can't help but think perhaps I need to pray for these two.

The first one I was in Kindergarten. I couldn't have been more than 5. The swing set was down near the bottom of the playground, and I remember it being quite shady, the green of the trees quite dark. I was talking to a boy with white blonde hair, and I don't recall exactly what he said, but I remember that I answered "Oh, God is so much a nicer Father than your real one. You can trust Him. He won't hurt you"

Swing, swing.

The next one I was in the park that was three houses down from where we lived when I was 9. I was talking with the girl who lived over the road, Renee, I think her name was. We were both swinging. I can't remember anything of our conversation in particular, but I do know I was telling her all about Him, and how you had to invite him into your heart.

Swing, swing.

I don't know where these to kids are any more. It's been 25 years. But I'm hoping that the seeds that were planted with my little kiddy knowledge have blossomed. Heck, even if they've just begun to sprout, that's good, right? So I've been praying for them today, that whatever they are going through right now, that God would meet them there. If it feels like life is swinging way out of their control, that they are too high, or too fast, or they're spinning, or one of the ropes have snapped and they're sprawled out in the dirt... that God will meet them there, and firmly take the ropes in His hands and bring it back to centre and a nice easy rhythm.

Swing, swing.

Do you have memories of "evangelising"as a child?

Do you ever recall them? If you do, do you pray for them?

So, uh, what do we do now?

2011-10-03T19:05:00.002+09:30

Apparently I'm not the only one who feels this way. Mandy sent that tweet to some peoples today, and I replied that I had that exact title sitting in my drafts.

What do we do now? Do we just pick up and continue on in the manner we were before? It seems crass to do so. But at the same time, Gitz wouldn't want us to wallow. In fact, it would be insulting to her memory to sulk. But how does one "do mourning" on the social media sites? It's not like we can shroud our blogs in black for a year and miss a Season.

Perhaps, it means being more intentional in our blogging, tweeting, whatever. Being more real. You know, more than normal. (I know I've held back a whole bunch) Trusting more with our stories. Always extend friendship.

Perhaps it means being more present in all aspects of our lives; both "in real life" and online. Live fully in both, not one or the other. Enjoy how they intermingle, instead of compartmentalising them, if that's what you do.

I do know that I'll be carrying Gitz with me. She'll be that little voice that says "just write" when I think I can't. She'll be the encourager when I do. I will miss her comments, her presence, but I think I know her well enough to know what she'd say. I'll think of her when I see the sunset, Cora's curls and Oreos. When I can't be bothered doing whatever, she'll be the reminder to be joyful, and thankful that I can. She will be forever ingrained in some friendships... not the glue, but the bow.

What do we do now?

We live.

And we live fully.

Afterwards

2011-09-28T01:13:00.000+09:30

And so, Sara has passed and still I have no words. I know she'd say "just write!" but I've never been very good at that. Not like she is... was.

I have a hard time referring to loved ones who have died in the past tense. They are still loved. They are precious. They are beautiful, and so on and so forth. Sara still is... in my heart. On my wrist.

But twitter seems silent without her. Soon her blog will become still. The Missing will continue.

I scrawled out this quote because my phone refused to copy it earlier today, and I was going to type it out for a post on Sara's wall. I'll sign off with it here, because I've managed to stare at my screen for an hour and still haven't come up with an ending. It's not my neat hand writing by any stretch of the imagination. The pen was scratchy. But it looks as raw as I feel and I don't have the way with words that many do.

Sara

2011-09-22T22:19:00.001+09:30

There are no words.

No words enough to explain what Gitz has meant to me.

No words enough to describe the deep grief to know she is dying.

No words (or rather, I dare not speak them) for the disappointment of knowing that if we hadn't had to have cancelled our US trip, I would have met her, hugged her, last month. In time. This side of Home...

So I speak hers instead.

And have them permanently placed under my skin to remind me until I hug her in Heaven. Right on my pulse.

Always, babydoll. Always.

Love you all the way around the world and back.

To read more beautiful, raw posts about our sweet Sara, Jessica is hosting a linky here.
I'm linking this post to the Ink Link on Tam's blog.

We're Moving

2011-07-22T17:44:00.001+09:30

Again.

But this time? This time it's into our own place.

It's not built yet,but it will be by our time here is up. It's been such a wonderful story of God's grace and provision.

We have purchased a 1.8 acre block of land in a highly desirable area of town, that would normally sell for twice what we paid for it. We first noticed it about 3 years ago. It sat on the website for all that time. We kept our eye on it, because for some reason, it spoke to us. Well, mostly it said "you'll never afford me, but dream away", but that's neither here nor there.

About a month ago, Adam and I applied for a home loan. We were told we had too many children. No lie. Those exact words. Nothing wrong with our financials... just that we have too many children for them to give us any sort of money that would help. Apparently, we feed them caviar and dress them in Armani.

So, my mother decides to go see if she can get some money on top of her mortgage. She can.

So, after a little back and forth negotiating on the block of land we had been so drawn to, our (mum's) offer was accepted. Settlement is in a month. We are currently designing a house to be built in part, but enough for us to live in, by December.

The best part? Always wanting to know we were doing what the Lord wants, mum prayed for a sign that, yes, this was the right path to be going down. The next time she called the realtor for the land he told her, quite offhandedly, that as soon as he had hung up from her confirming that the owner had accepted her bid, three people rang enquiring about that particular block. After not one single bite for the entire three years it was on the market.

So. We have us our own little patch to set down some roots. While it might not be in our name yet, we are so very grateful to my mother, and to the Lord of course, for blessing us in this way. The way the market is, and with, you now, so many children, there was no way, bar a huge lottery win, that we were ever going to be able to purchase a home. We knew it would happen; we had prophesies telling us so, so we know this is totally God. I may go and hunt them down tonight, and have another listen to it, to remind me of how God goes before us in all matters of our life.

After it was all done and dusted, I was reminded of the first part of a verse in Proverbs that friends of ours pointed out to us about 2 years ago. We were talking with them about our desire for our own home, and how so far out of reach and reality it seemed for us. They shared that they too were unsure of how to purchase a house, when they started to stand on this verse regarding it.

Houses and wealth are inherited from parents ....(Proverbs 19:14a)

God is good and faithful :)

5...

2011-07-02T17:09:00.003+09:30

Amy turned 5 yesterday.

She flounced into our room at 6am exclaiming "say happy birthday to me!"

She wanted chocolate cake for dinner.

She wore fairy wings and a coronet all day.

We watched fireworks at night... of course, they were just for her on her birthday.

She stole my heart (again) completely, totally, and irrevocably.

My Husband has been complaining.

2011-07-01T23:05:00.000+09:30

I've not blogged much lately.

You may have noticed.

I'm waiting fo a new computer. It won't be long now *excited*

Anyhow, Adam has been bemoaning that I haven't updated, and that, folks, is something I never thought would happen.

So, to get some munchy debate happening, here is a pic of a note I made on my phone of a random thought that popped into my head today.

I am certainly not absolving women of any responsibility in this area. But I am definitely sick of the pressure heaped on the women for it to be entirely theirs.

What are your thoughts about my random thought?

Brought to you by the letter "P"

2011-06-01T21:31:00.000+09:30

We had a bit of an all night rave here at the Party the other night.

Cora had woken up a couple of times before we went to bed, so I had given her another bottle to settle her down. At about 3:30 she woke up inconsolable, and Adam got up to settle her. Turns out, all those milks had to come out the other end at some point, which they did... beyond the holding capacity of the nappy.

Once we had changed her and her bed linen, we popped her back into bed and went back to bed ourselves.

My cat, Wortel, made himself comfortable on my feet. I was just beginning to doze off when I felt Adam's cat, Snap, walk up to my stomach.

scratch... scratch...

My brain thought "this is not good"

My rest of my body told it to shut up, it was tired.

Less than thirty seconds later, I was out of bed, holding my nightie away from my body and feeling something run down my leg.

"Adam! Your cat PEED on me!!"

grunt... grunt

"No really! Eeew!!"

"Just get changed and come back to bed."

"Dude, it's through two blankets, a sheet and a puddle on our bed."

"Get out, really?... Oh man."

"This is so gross"

I got changed, found new sheets and blankets and remade the bed... around Adam, who decided it was too cold to move.

Snap was unceremoniously thrown out of our room, and the door shut soundly.

Back in bed, as Adam snuggled up, I asked

"What time is it?"

"Bit after 4."

"Your cat sucks."

When Seasons Change

2011-05-20T20:58:00.003+09:30

I've almost forgotten what it's like to have seasons.

Where I live, we have two... The Wet, and The Dry.

Pretty self explanatory.

We are in The Dry at the moment. Unlike down south, where the seasons gradually morph into the next, with beautiful shades of orange to silver grays; to have brilliant clusters of green emerge to live exultantly in the sunshine and so on and so on it goes... We go from hot, humid rain to... none.

The Dry this year came quickly, with it's one crisp morning, and left just as promptly. Sure, there's still no rain and the humidity is consideraby less, but it's dry, and hot, and we won't see any rain until November.

I lament the lack of variety.

But it's helpful that I only need to buy one uniform for the kids, and the equivalent of cold weather clothes is along sleeved cotton shirt. I'm forever grateful as to the handiness of always knowing how to dress in the mornings.

I never did learn how to layer properly. ;)

The rules:

1. Write for 5 minutes flat for pure unedited love of the written word.

2. Link back to Lisa-Jo and invite others to join in.

3. Go buck wild with encouragement for the five minuter who linked up before you.

A week of statuses...

2011-05-15T16:16:00.000+09:30

monday:

The weather is so confused today.
Oh yay! I would much rather see the Saints play in their traditional guernsey than any other :)
CSI Miami is just too darn easy to call. It's not even sport.

tuesday:

Hilarious moment for the day: Credit card chick rings me and asks me to please stop paying my card on time so she doesn't have to call me every two months to offer me more money :D
only 52 more days until the half way mark of my New Years Resolution. 130 days without coke/caffeine so far!

friday:

I just tried to warm myself up by holding my hands over the toaster.
ABC News Update: Police say suicide bombing outside paramilitary force academy in Pakistan has killed at least 50 people http://bit.ly/mwHkJ4
Well, hubby is on his way to men's camp and I am alone for the weekend. I'd be more upset about this if I wasn't aware this means I have sole control over the remote for 48 hours.
Dear Penney, Thank you so much for your email. I am sure you are very lovely, but I would rather not see the naked picture of you you so kindly attached. Thanks anyway. Delete.
My lips are chapping. This is not cool.
"God is the friend of silence." ~ Mother Theresa

saturday:

My CAT just caught a freaking SNAKE. I think it was a young King brown? Maybe a pygmy? It was about 20cm long and when I was able to get him to drop it, it tried to go me! I smashed it's head, and the cat seems completely ok... Should I call a vet?
Well. Having four movies ready and waiting for them wasn't enough to get the kids doing their chores. They can't start watching until they finish, and bedtime is 8:00 At the rate they are going, they won't even manage one. *sigh* I give up.
CSI rerun night. Perfect laundry folding tv :)

sunday:

Carl Butler is totally bringing it this morning :)
I certainly wouldn't want to watch Dumbo while trippin' high. Just sayin'.

The last few weeks worth of party stories

2011-04-26T16:06:00.000+09:30

1. Beth suddenly ended up in hospital with a potentially serious condition nearly two weeks ago, and we were there for 4 days. I am so thankful for antibiotics... even if after 4 days her poor vein gave up the ghost and collapsed at the last minute.

2. My iPhone took a dip in the toilet. I had it in my back pocket and completely forgot about it. Hence, I was phoneless while in the hospital. I nearly lost my mind through boredom. And missed out on sending through some awesome tweets.

3. On the upside, I finally got Ann's book finished. I loved it. Will need to go through it again, once I get it back from the ladies I've loaned it out to already.

4. Turns out, I now need to use my glasses to read as well... could not figure out why recently I could never focus on a book properly. Apparently, even the slightest bit of out of focus-ness (my own word, isn't it special?) makes it difficult to concentrate on the text.

5. Adam and I are dieting again... although the hospital thing and Easter kind of interrupted.

6. I was all set to exersise for the first time in forever the other day. The house was clean, the kids were in front of a movie... and the dang thing wouldn't work. Pretty sure that a chord has been pulled loose during the move. Yeah... the one 4 months ago. Ahem.

7. Adam has so far gotten both his assignments in on time. Just. Nothing like urgency to help time management.

8. I have started planning and shopping for Amy's 5th birthday party which isn't too far away. Even Adam's getting excited about this one. Nothing quite like throwing a tea party :)

9. My lap top is all but expired. One of the kids half pulled the plug out of the wall, and I think it fried itself trying to stay connected. It's a definite now that we'll be getting a new one at tax time, and paying some smart person to transfer all our stuff over.

10. Since we are grown ups and all, with responsibilities and a little bit of debt left, we've had to concede that our America trip won't be happening this year. Saaaaaad. With the things that have happened early on in this year that required immediate monetary attention, we have not been able to keep up with our planned payment/saving budget. Boo hiss. Perhaps the same time next year, though.

Memorium

2011-04-11T00:09:00.000+09:30

She was pregnant with her second when they found It in her breast.

She had It cut out and continued with a less aggressive treatment during her pregnancy and he arrived whole and healthy on April Fools Day 2010, one day afer my own Cora took her first breath of air.

She started radiation.

They found It in her liver, hidden by pregnancy and gave her a hopeful 15 years, tops.

So she lived. And she loved. She mothered. She saw her baby turn one.

A routine MRI three weeks ago found It on her brain and made her realise she wouldn't have that long, that she would go Home much sooner than she ever thought. That in itself wasn't so awful, it was watching motherhood slip away from her grasp was what caused her the most pain. She wouldn't... she couldn't be there for her children.

Her baby would never know her.

She was prepared to leave, as much as one can. Her God was her comfort, and her Boss.

A three day turn around trip to the specialist turned into hospice care and yesterday, peacefully, with her husband by her side, it turned into Eternity.

See you later Krysti.

Miss you for now.

decaffeinated

2011-04-10T00:44:00.000+09:30

On a whim a few days before new years, I sent this tweet:

I think I might give up coke for New Year

And so I did. As of midnight January 1st, 2011, I pledged to not drink coke in any form for a year.

And today, it's been 100 days since I've had any.

I'm proud of me. I'm pleased to be able to say "i told you so" to a number of people who thought I couldn't do it ;)

But I must be honest.

It's been really hard.

I think it's been more difficult to fight the habit of drinking coke and the immediate mood lifter (for a little while) it would give me, than actually missing the taste.

Some things really make me want one.

Fueling the car
When the kids stress me out
Music practice on Thursdays
When I'm bored
When I'm hungry

While I'm finding it easier to push through those cravings, they don't seem to be going away very much.

I don't think I've lost weight.

I don't think my skin is any better.

I'm not sleeping any different.

Why am I doing this again? :D

But, I will see it through. Maybe at the end of the year I'll be able to see a little more clearly.

265 days to go.

How are you going with your New Year resolutions (if you made any)?

Vernacular

2011-04-08T10:40:00.002+09:30

We have certain turns of phrase our children use that not only do I not correct, but that I actually use in real life sometimes, simply because I think they are endearing.

"my like"
I like

"yes my am"
Yes I am

"He 'let' me"
Instead of He 'made' me

"Didnae"
didn't

"ehther one"
other one

"Hewy"
heavy

"Love you much"

"Doc-dot"
doctor

"I can't think my brain"
I can't remember

Prettiful

I use them in public with people I don't know. Sometimes without realising, sometimes on purpose. I love our little words, and sometimes I think they convey more affection simply because they are just ours.

My brothers, sister and I still use words from when we were children, (and so do our parents!) and I actually have to think to say it correctly, the two most common being "torlet" instead of toilet and "awevolit" which it one word for three... all of it.

Do you have any family words? I'd love to hear them!

Tuckered

2011-04-06T23:55:00.000+09:30

It's 11:30 pm and I'm up all alone, stuffing my face with brie and sun dried tomatoes.

It's the only time I can eat anything without someone watching me, or crying because they wants some. Or both at the same time.

It's my own little mummy utopia.

I've been cleaning out my camera, you know, being all organised and stuff, and putting the photos into the correct files and deleting all the fuzzy ones that make people look like The Scream.

I found these doozies, and thought you might laugh as much as we did.

Background story:

We had friends and their small daughter over for dinner, and we had allowed the children to stay up past their bedtime.

Way past.

As in, I'm pretty sure it was 10-ish when these pics were taken.

We'd sent the kids to the bathroom to do thier teeth-drink-toilet-wash your face routine, and to put themselves to bed. Which they did, with relatively little hassle.

All was quiet, except I could hear the faucet still running, so I, of course, went to go turn it off.

And thus began the "You guys! you totally have to come see this!" frantic whispering and gesturing...

I think the boy was a wee bit tuckered out. :)

Procrastination

2011-04-04T13:48:00.000+09:30

I know I should be doing my 1000 things post today, but it suddenly struck me that it is now April, and I haven't even so much as looked at reading a book from the list over there.

Oh dear.

I'm actually finding it hard to read anything at the moment. I used to be a huge reader, but now I'm finding myself having to re-read paragraphs may times just to know I've got it. I'm thinking I must be out of practice.

And of course, I look at that and think, I really need to re design my blog. Gosh knows why.

I've thought of a new thing to write about here... but I really should write about the things I've already said I would.

I should also clean my house.

But... the things I've thought of posting about...

It's Amy's turn this year for a birthday party. She loves to have tea parties, so I'm going to put together a "high tea on the lawns" afternoon for her. You know, get them all dressed up and drinking cordial poured from tea pots into tea cups. I thought I could blog about the preparations I make for it... the stuff I buy, the things I make... setting up... and so on and so forth.

Adam and I have a pretty funky story... if I get his permission, I might go all Pioneer Woman on you and write it out. Hopefully it will bless someone.

Since it really is a party here, I need to post more about the funny things that happen. Like how Adam convinced Troy to eat a teaspoon of coffee grinds yesterday by telling him "it's just like Milo". Or how the circuit breaker has broken, and now our family of 8 has had no running water for three days. You know... run of the mill kind of stuff for our family ;)

I have a post for the 10th brewing... and I expect many congratulations and the like.

No, I'm not pregnant.

Surprisingly.

But I am hugely proud of myself. It's a huge accomplishment, and I hope you won't think me silly for it.

I have been a bad blogger. But I've been praying, and talking to God, and I think we've figured a few things out with regards to it, and perhaps even sussed out a little vision.

I might have to stop here... I just had to go and save Cora. She got her fingers caught in the toilet seat after dropping her bottle into the bowl.

Twice.

365 days... and nearly as many photos

2011-03-31T14:44:00.000+09:30

It is so hard to believe it's been a year.

It is so hard to believe it's only been a year.

Cora was born smiling, and hasn't stopped. She laughs all day and is the absolute delight of my world.

Let's take a jog down memory lane...

And today...

Love you, baby girl. How wonderful life is while you're in the world!

Colour

2011-03-29T11:24:00.003+09:30

My Colour inspiration board :)

I've been away in Sydney for the Colour conference.

I love it so.

My heart is full. It is expanded, it is broken, it is renewed. I can't explain it, so I won't even try.

The speakers this year were amazing. Jeanne Mayo was hilarious, and so, so poignant; I have no words for Craig Groeschel except he has two new hard core fans in this house, and Lisa Bevere... oh my word. I love her so. Go out and buy Lioness Arising. All women should read it.

I am so grateful that I am able to go to this conference every year. So blessed that Adam takes vacation time off work to watch the kidlets for me.

There were something like 35 countries represented at Colour this year. So I encourage all women to go... save up, get your church to sponsor you, whatever it takes. Get there. Here is the link to register for next years conference... Beth Moore and Priscilla Shirer will be there!!! I nearly died when I found out. Also on that page is one of the sessions from Conference2 (I got to Conference 1), so you can see just what is in store for you when you come!

I'm already registered for next year, and I would love to see some others there! Since I register with a group, let me know if you decide to come along, and I'll let you know how to do that so we can sit together. Coz that's half the fun :)

Oh, and you'll get to see things like this...

Clockwise from top: The Sydney Harbour Bridge and The Sydney Opera House; Luna Park entry; Massive ferris wheel.

I know I need to catch up with my 1000 gift posts... My computer blinked out on me again, then I went away. So now I'm home, I have been compiling 3 weeks worth. I did have one ready to go the week I went away, but it can wait until then :)

Limping through

2011-03-13T16:14:00.000+09:30

My computer has decided to pack it in again, which vexes me greatly (channeling Mrs Bennett there for a moment) so I am quickly using Adam's work laptop while he's having his routine Sunday after church nap.

ssshhhhhh

We're hoping to limp mine through until July (tax time here) and then buy a new one. Our one is only about 3 years old, I think, but boy has it been given a work out. It was the computer we used for the words on Sunday morning for about 2 years before the church bought their own, so it's travelled a lot. It seems that the power jack is well and truly on it's way out... sometimes I can gumby it up to work for a little while... and then I do something stupid like leave it on the couch and the kids pull the cord out funny and then it decides not to turn on any more. Oh, and the battery is fried. I thin it runs for about half an hour without being plugged into the wall.

So, we are thinking of moving onto a Mac, since we like Steve Job's opinion on p0rn, and think that should be rewarded with support. If you have a mac, which model did you choose and why? What do you love about it? Anything that's not so great we should know about? How long did it take you to get used to using it after a pc? To me, it all seems inside out and back-to-front!

Hopefully I will be able to still do my 1000 gifts post tomorrow, and then after that, I shall be in Sydney attending the Colour Conference run by Hillsong. I really really really love this conference. It's difficult to put it into words why it's so amazing... I hope one day everyone will be able to experience it in some way.

So, if you can spare a few thoughts and prayers for Adam as he has the week with the kids all on his lonesome... he's an extraordinary father, and more than capable parent, but it can be tough when there's no break (or adult conversation) for an extended period of time.

Oh, random fact... I dyed my hair. But I take a crap photo, so there isn't any proof.

Hopefully, when I get home I'll be able to take another look at the lappy and get it running again, even if it's just enough to dump everything onto an external hard drive for the new one :)

I feel the most loved when...

2011-03-11T16:57:00.002+09:30

... Adam brings me skittles. When he strokes my face, kisses the tip of my nose and draws me in for a hug. When he organises the dates and the babysitter. When he cleans the kitchen.

When I get tweets from people letting me know I crossed their mind. When real mail arrives with my name on it.

When I can just be with someone. When I feel safe enough to tell my deep things... well, as deep as I'll allow... and know that they will just smile, and nod encouragement to keep going.

When I sing worship. There is nothing else that envelopes me in love more that the Lord when I sing to Him. When I sing for Him. The truth of His great love permeates through the words of every song.

When my small children stroke my skin as they sit next to me.. small, feathery reminders that I am their all right now. That they enjoy being with me.

When my cat curls up in my neck and rumbles his affection into my ear.

When I'm curled up in bed, next to my husband, and we drift... off... to ... sleep... secure.

Here’s how the game works: you simply stop, drop and write for five minutes flat! Set your words free. Don’t edit them, don’t fret over them, don’t try to make them perfect.Just let them be you. 1. Write for only five minutes.
2. Link back at Lisa-Jo's and invite others to play along.
3. Go say hi to the five minute artist who linked up before you.** These words were c&p'd from Lisa-Jo's blog, The Gypsy Mama

Pictorial Gratitude

2011-03-07T23:15:00.001+09:30

121. The three kookaburras that come and argue on the swingset every evening as I make dinner

122. Kittens on my lap

123. Sons with more grown-up, manly chores

124. The anticipation of the gathering of the sisterhood in a week

125. Midnight laundry buddies

126. Chocolate hand prints

127. The sheer joy bubbles bring to children

128. Stormy skies

129. Truth

130. Little scrumptious rainbow balls of sugar

131. Jewels from my daughter

132. Home-made bruschetta

133. A husband who kills the creepy crawlies for me

134. Real post in the mail from friends to show they were thinking of me

135. Learning new music

136. Champagne for two

137. Home-made sushi

138. Finding the beatiful things after the rain

139. Pretty little flowers

140. His and hers nightcaps

When I look in the mirror, I see...

2011-03-04T23:43:00.001+09:30

I don't like looking at myself in the mirror. But i still do. Of course, I much prefer it when I'm all made up.

I'm pretty then.

When I'm not, I sense more and more that I'm really all just paint and lights, and I wonder how Adam finds me beautiful.

I see dark circles. I see spots, uneven skin and um... eyebrows that need plucking.

I see all that extra weight. I try very hard not to use a full length mirror.

My pastor keeps shoving a mirror in my face and won't take it away until I've said "I'm beautiful" enough times to convince him I mean it. Usually he does this after I've been crying for an hour

I'm not an attractive cry-er.

How do I take what I see and even it out to the way I feel? How do I acknowledge the beauty of me on the inside, when I don't think the outside agrees?

Beauty is only skin deep, but seriously... do we need an attractive pancreas?

God sees the inside. But he made the outside.

Not an experiment apparently.

Fearfully and wonderfully and deliberately made.

So... yeah. Dunno how to end this nice.

The preceding has been a 5 minute Friday post,
hosted by Lisa-Jo over at The Gypsy Mama.

We set the timer, write for 5 minutes... no rewrites, no editing.

Except spelling errors.

Gratitude... birthday edition

2011-02-28T20:59:00.001+09:30

161. To have 31 years of experiences, both good and bad
162. Magnum ego's
163. Facebook happy birthdays
154. A text from my father... the first contact initiated by him in years
165. The kids all getting to school on time
166. The oven was repaired. Just in time for me not to use it ;)
167. Quick phone calls from mum in between shifts
168. Joyful happy birthdays from sweet kiddie lips
169. Pizza for dinner
170. Foot rubs
171. Stand up comedy dvd's
172. Thoughtful gifts
173. A song that touches every crevice of my soul on repeat
174. Flower gardens made in small bowls
175. Birthday cards and roses
176. Loving heartfelt words
177. Sour apples
178. Red envelopes
179. Pens stuck through ponytails
180. Two and a half kisses

THIS is starving

2011-02-25T14:23:00.003+09:30

I don't know about you, but it seems to me that as much as we try to instill into our children a mindset of gratitude, kids these days have a serious case of Entitlement Mentality.

Mine do, anyway.

They don't look after their possessions, responding to our entreaties as to why they've destroyed yet another thing with "you can just buy us a new one"

We don't.

But one of the things that irritate Adam and myself to no end is the constant "I'm starving" that is moaned to us multiple times a day. No matter when they last ate, or how much they shovelled away, or what they recently turned their noses up at, you'd think we never feed them.

About 6 months ago, we had had enough of it from Troy. He was a little over 10 at the time, and we were smack bang in the middle of a rather difficult year with him, from Autism related behaviours. He was being excessively selfish and demanding, so we knew we needed to nip this in the bud very quickly, lest it become an ingrained habit which doesn't bode well for, you know, being a productive member of society.

One evening, absolutely fed up with him being elevated for about 2 hours, comprising of yelling and screaming that he was starving and going to die, Adam opened the computer and in the images section, googled

famine Africa

Then we showed Troy the pictures.

THIS, son, is starving.

Troy was absolutely shocked. Like Jon Acuff's daughter did, Troy responded with "That's not real, right?" and "That baby didn't die, did it?"

We let it sink in, we answered his questions, and impressed upon him how incredibly fortunate and privileged he was/is. We prayed with him, and still musing over the reality of what he had seen, his behaviour forgotten, he went to bed.

About an hour later, he came out again. We could tell he had been crying.

"Can I send the children some food? Maybe some clothes?"

It had hit home.

We then explained to him that he can, in a round about way, through Compassion, through whom we sponsor Delmar from Guatemala. We told him, if he likes, we would sign him up and he could do jobs to earn the money to send to a child somewhere in Africa. Then we sent him back to bed.

For the next few months, intermittently, Troy would ask if we could "choose a child". We would remind him that he would need to do chores, and that would usually have him abandon the subject. However, about a month ago, he was asking us every day. So I sat him down and worked out some chores that he would need to do to pay for a sponsor child. We really spoke to him about how important this was, and that it would be for a very long time.

He said he understood. He loved the idea that they would be going to school 'together'. And on further.

So, we opened up the compassion website and clicked on the criteria Troy wanted...

Africa...

boy...

And there, waiting for 273 days for a sponsor, was Andrew, age 10, from Uganda.

Perfect.

Troy was jubilant. He had helped give food and clothes and school to someone in Africa.

Troy is listed as the correspondent, and he is so stinking excited. Of course, he's not so excited about having to do his chores everyday, and we are still battling the bad attitude there (so frustrating!) but I think once they start writing letters to each other, this will change.

The pictures we showed him still haunt him. He was being snotty the other day, and we asked him if he needed to see the pictures again. He quickly answered no.

Hopefully, this will help foster a heart for those less fortunate. I hope Andrew is only the first of many children Troy will sponsor in his life.

If you would like to sponsor a child

through Compassion, click here

and help release a child (or two!) from poverty

in Jesus Name.

One after Another

2011-02-22T16:57:00.001+09:30

We've had an interesting and eventful last few weeks.

Cyclone Carlos came through and while not quite sweeping us off our feet, certainly knocked us on our butts. It has rained so. much and we've been bogged in our own driveway not once, but twice. One of them is a funny story. I'll tell it later. One was a 4WD. I restrained from making a comment to my husband who's been at me that we NEED to buy one so that we don't get bogged. Or if the other car does, the 4WD can pull it out. But, being incredibly discerning, I figured it probably wouldn't have been funny.

For him I mean. I found it hilarious.

I have been terribly lax with my multitude Monday's... I'm pretty sure today I need to catch up at least 80. so I'll break them up with pictures :)

81. Baby steps
82. Good reports from school
83. Bedtime prayers
84. Midnight snacks
85. A new sponsor child to love
86. Cool weather
87. Dates with Adam
88. Shrek Movie Marathon
89. Growing Amazon book wish lists
90. A funky valentines card, perfect for my husband

(purchased from here)

91. Two weeks off the platform... recouping time
92. Thunderstorms at night
93. Boys growing tall
94. Cooking with gas
95. The smell of freshly laundered clothes
96. Someone else washing the laundry for me
97. Quality time unbogging cars with Adam
98. Airconditioning
99. Exquisitely painted moths
100. Two new orange kitties

101. When finger strokes cheek
102. Cold showers
103. Home made hot chips
104. Tidy bookshelves
105. The made up praise songs of children
106. His fingers of one hand laced in mine while he drives with the other
107. Anticipation for Colour in 3 weeks
108. Dew drops on leaves
109. Dinner with friends
110. The almost tame chicken

111. New school books
112. Freshly made beds
113. Dinner bubbling away in the crock-pot
114. Time laughing with girlfriends
115. Ladybugs
116. Kitten purrs
117. Soap bubbles
118. Braided hair for school
119. Acceptance letters from university
120. Worship nights full of the presence of God

121. Dancing girls
122. Deeper stories
123. Reading books with babies
124. Green tree frogs
125. Lazy Sunday afternoons
126. Kittens sleeping on my neck
127. Plump cushions
128. Picnics on the couch with Eli
129. Invitations to breakfast
130. Male bonding

131. When my make-up works
132. Sparkling bathrooms
133. The calm stillness of night
134. Purple lightning clouds
135. When the air smells like approaching rain
136. Cuckoo clocks
137. Keys that keep babies happy
138. The full moon veiled by whispy clouds
139. Hair in curlers
140. New to us songs

141. Sharpies... they write nice
142. Children on swings, swinging up and down and up and JUMP!
143. The flash of turquoise as a Blue-Winged Kookaburra swoops by
144. Driving with the windows down
145. Rumbling thunder in the distance
146. Clear azure skies with silver white clouds
147. The bible verse my husband has as his signature on his emails (at the bottom of this post)
148. When children cooperate together, and chores are a joy
149. Clock watching for when Adam gets home
150. Soul music in book form

151. Wringing clothes out by hand and being reminded I am privileged
152. Ginger flowers gracing the table
153. The baby playing, splish splash in puddles
154. Overcast days
155. Bouquets of feathers gifted from dimpled fists
156. Nerf gun fights
157. Candles when the power goes out
158. Holding hands in grace
159. The music here that calms my children and my own harried day
160. Dramatic clouds

"From the fullness of His grace

we have all received one blessing after another"

John 1:16

:: Link up and join the Gratitude Community ::

Forced hiatus

2011-02-05T17:52:00.000+09:30

I really hate it when my computer stops working for no apparent reason, and then works again a week later.

I have so much to catch up on. I'll have to do a double 1000 gifts post on Monday, and hope I haven't forgotten any of the funny stories that happened here at our party the last few weeks.

Like Eli falling out of a tree and ending up with stitches. That was fun.

Or the van breaking down. Twice.

Yasi went through Queensland and miraculously God spared all lives... in fact, three babies were born that night! So much has happened to that state... it's difficult to really put it into words.

School is back in session and so far it's been smooth sailing. Except for when Drew head-butted that one girl. That wasn't so great.

Some exciting new things are happening at church, and while it might not be that unusual for you, it's a big step for our little church, and I look forward to telling you about it next week.

So... what's been happening in your lives the last two weeks?

Slate

2011-01-27T11:08:00.003+09:30

My friend Alece posted the other day how people keep telling her that with all that's happened in her story, that she can now start over "with a clean slate", and how she wishes they wouldn't.

I was really pondering this and came to the conclusion that no matter what happens in our lives, there is no way we can have a clean slate. None. Even salvation will not make your past disappear. My past, your past, Alece's past will no less shape our futures than if we cut off an arm. It will forever be affected by it.

Whether it is positively, or negatively, that's up to us.

Have you ever tried to write on a chalkboard that hasn't been prepared? SO hard. The chalk doesn't stick properly so it slips and makes it difficult to read. What you are trying to write or draw doesn't adhere to the board. To make your slate effective, you first need to use the side of a stick of chalk and completely colour it in. Thick. Then you dust it off. And then, you can write on it all the better.

When God writes on us with His words, His dreams and His plans for us, it helps that there's a little past residue left for Him to write over.

James 1 says

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

While I wouldn't necessarily reccomend giving that verse to someone in the midst of said trial, (as Alece said, save the rhetoric) it is good to remember ourselves that God wants us complete, whole. Not lacking anything. If our lives are proverbial slates, and we have surrendered ourselves into His hands, before we can be effective and usable, first He needs to prepare us. Get us a little dirty... we need to learn the things that are required. I myself have gone around and around in circles with some things, and on about the 3rd time around, I'm asking God "what did I miss? What did I fail to learn?!" It will be messy at times. It will hurt. As my pastor says, there will be spiritual blisters.

Alece, me, you... we've all been prepared. Some have had more chalk scraped over their surfaces than others. Some of us have been dusted off. Some are still in the midst of preperation. Don't wish away your past. Don't ignore it. It's being used by God to shape who you are in Him.

Not lacking anything.

A Jonah Day

2011-01-24T17:03:00.002+09:30

But I, with shouts of grateful praise, will sacrifice to you.

What I have vowed I will make good. I will say,

‘Salvation comes from the LORD.’

Jonah 2:9

Today, to be honest, sucked.

It was the very first day of the school year, and oh, how I wanted to start off on the right foot.

My alarm went off, and I was up. No lingering, no warm snuggles.

I put on the porridge for breakfast, but when I went to fill the water jug, the tap was empty. We run off a bore now, not town water, so we have to be vigilant in keeping the water tank full. I had only filled it a day ago, so it was odd. I turned the bore on to fill, and used the first appearance of water to start making the muffins for the kids lunches.

Except I had mis-read the packet and didn't realise I needed some milk as well... I had used all the milk to make the porridge. There were to be no gluten and wheat free muffins in their lunches today. No bread either for sandwiches either, since we are trying to keep wheat out as much as possible.

I admit I threw the empty box across the kitchen.

Then, boys informed me, that despite me telling them to lay out their uniforms last night, they had, in fact, not... and didn't have any clean uniform shorts, no less, because they had worn them during the holidays irregardless of me telling them not to. Since the washing machine has been broken, I've only washed what I had to, and I was unaware I needed to wash uniforms before the school year even began. I found a clean pair for Troy in the clean pile of clothes on the couch, but Drew was less fortunate... he went to school in muddy shorts.

On the first day.

I yelled.

Of course, while I was looking for said shorts, the porridge started to burn.

Would you be appalled if I admitted I screamed?

Then, as Beth was getting dressed, we realised that we had purchased the wrong size dress... both of them. It was ridiculously short. I clenched my fists and gritted my teeth and hunted out an old one from last year for her to wear before I swapped them over.

Also, Troy's bag was mysteriously broken.

Bethany couldn't find her brush.

Drew, for reasons best known to himself, took his new shirt off and left it on the floor 5 minutes before we had to leave.

It was raining.

No one brushed their teeth

There were swear words. You may be horrified.

Miraculously, they made it to school on time.

I went to put fuel in the car after checking the balance of my credit card. After ensuring there was sufficient funds, I fueled up and went to pay.

My card declined.

THREE times.

They had to write it up as a drive off to balance their tills today. I'll be going back tomorrow to reimburse them, but it was really embarrassing, and also really sucky that they had to write all my details down on the fax.

I get home, with every intention of doing some fantastic cleaning today.

The power goes off.

While I'm cooking eggs for the Smallies lunch.

For the better part of the day.

I tell you, I couldn't make this stuff up.

The power came on a half hour before I had to leave to pick the kids up from school.

Went to put my prescription sunglasses on, to find that a delightful child had scratched them up right in front of my eye.

And yet, in light of all that, I am thankful because

61. When I run out of water, all I have to do is push a button, not walk for 5 miles there and back

62. My children can all go to school

63. They have more than one uniform

64. Not having muffins was only an inconvenience, not a dilemma

65. I am only worried about a gluten intolerance, not malnutrition or starvation

66. We get paid tomorrow... the credit card thing was just an embarrassing hiccup, not a perpetual state of life

67. I have a mountain of unwashed laundry... but it's evidence we have clothes and towels and blankets

68. I was able to play with the baby today without worry over these things

69. My sweet husband, who called me throughout the day to see how I was going, conscious that I so wanted the day to go well

70. The cool weather the rain brought... if it wasn't here when the power went off, it would have been nasty

71. Kind friends who have said I can use their washing machine

72. For the change I had in my purse that bought milk to tide us over

73. For God's gracious shouldering of my coke (cola) dependence...

74. The availability of a optometrist before I go blind
75. Happy children

76. Dinner ready to go with ease

77. An early mark off work for Adam

78. The ability to laugh in the face of it all

79. That tomorrow is a new day

80. That grace is free

Later: I kid you not, I just got home from my firends house who said I could use her machine. I promise you I am not exaggerating.

I took around two loads of laundry, threw one of them in the machine, closed the door, added the powder, then Beks pressed the start button.

Her machine blew up.

Five-Minute Friday

2011-01-21T12:22:00.000+09:30

Go

This is the first time I've done this, and quite frankly, it scares the bejeezus out of me.

Because I have no idea what I'm supposed to write about. Which is probably the point, but whatever.

Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to have a picture prompt.

Oops.

Oh well.

I avoid writing here, I think, because I know how flawed I am, and to be authentic, I'd have to write a whole bunch more about how I ignore the voice of God, and quite frankly, that doesn't look too good on my resume.

I've not felt well the last couple of days. My joints ached and it hurt to write.

I'm out of practice with writing. I used to all the time. Now I don't. I read beautiful blogs, and I know I don't measure up. They have stories they tell so stunningly, and I don't even know what mine is exactly. I have a bunch of kids, I live in Australia.

Riveting.

What would you like me to talk on? Give me ideas? In what way would you like to know me?

30 seconds left...

I love my husband. I love my kids. My God is close to me, even though I feel far from him.

I love that.

Stop.

When Gratitude Comes Easy

2011-01-17T23:34:00.001+09:30

This year, I wanted to focus on the little things that would otherwise go unnoticed in a harried life. However, in the wake of the Queensland floods, I feel I would be dishonouring to those who have lost everything NOT to first mention things like my house. Safety of family.

But also, much like when I wrote my 1000 for Adam, there were things that I am so used to, that I doubt I would have even written them down, if not the tragedy bought it right up in front of my face.

41. My dry house
42. My family unharmed when Ipswitch drowned
43. My friends in Brisbane and Toowoomba are safe
44. The Aussie spirit
45. Strong, compassionate leaders
46. The generosity of strangers
47. The bravery of children
48. Mateship
49. Prayers from all over the world
50. Sweet tea

51. First piggy-tails
52. My 4yo daughter thanking me for cleaning the house
53. Hand squeezes with Eli (3) while snuggled in bed
54. Long facebook chats with friends far away
55. Exciting baby news of a friend
56. Bunches of flowers from pudgy hands
57. Stand-ups on YouTube
58. Laughter
59. Movie marathons with the kids and Adam, all parked on our mattress on the loungeroom floor
60. Memories made

The first Yes

2011-01-16T08:00:00.003+09:30

The word "yes" isn't recorded in the Bible* until 17 chapters in.

It comes as an acknowledgement of facts... deal stopping human facts... and then God comes through with His awesome BUT^f...

Abraham fell face down; he laughed and said to himself, “Will a son be born to a man a hundred years old? Will Sarah bear a child at the age of ninety?” And Abraham said to God, “If only Ishmael might live under your blessing!”

Then God said, “Yes, but your wife Sarah will bear you a son, and you will call him Isaac.I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his descendants after him. And as for Ishmael, I have heard you: I will surely bless him; I will make him fruitful and will greatly increase his numbers. He will be the father of twelve rulers, and I will make him into a great nation. But my covenant I will establish with Isaac, whom Sarah will bear to you by this time next year.” (Genesis 17:17-21)

Not only did God acknowledge that it seemed (understatement much?) hard, if not impossible, but He honoured Abraham's request, while explaining the exceptionally HUGE things God would accomplish through these two boys.
I also noticed verse 21, which is why I left it in there...

But my covenant I will establish with Isaac, whom Sarah will bear to you by this time next year.”

Hello.

He began his sentence with Yes.

Then gave it a time frame.

And so, I ask (without laughing)

"Can a happy family really come from the train wreck of the last two years? Can I resurrect the fragments of our family? Oh Lord, that you would make my family an upstanding one."

What will be birthed in me, from me, by this time next year, simply because I say "yes"?

How are you going with your One Word so far, two weeks in?

*New International Version, and most others, except The Message

^fI may or may not have giggled a little at that. Because I am all that is mature and spiritual

When Clouds Brought Rain... o my soul

2011-01-12T22:19:00.001+09:30

You'll have to forgive me my using the lyrics of David Crowder Band's "Never Let Go" as my titles the last two days. The words have taken on a whole brand new meaning for me in the wake of the floods.

Yesterday, I posted some comparative pictures of Australia over the United States and Europe.

And, since the rain hasn't stopped, and I had missed a few places of floods, I have updated them. It'll probably be redundant this time tomorrow.

Using the Bureau of Meteorology's rainfall and rivers information, I hope to have a made a more accurate (albeit rough) indication of the gravity of the catastrophe.

click to enlarge

This is Ipswitch... this is where my cousin and his family live. Thankfully, they are safe and well.

click to enlarge (Image: AAP)

This link will take you to a slide-show of pictures sent in

It's almost too terrible to be true.

Except it is.

And it's only going to get worse.

When Waters Rise... o my soul

2011-01-11T10:09:00.008+09:30

I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of droughts and flooding rains.

That is the second stanza from Dorothea MacKellars famous poem "My Country". It is, quite easily, one of the most known four lines in our country, perhaps second only to the opening lines of "The Man From Snowy River"

The vast majority of Australia has been in the midst of drought for many, many years and on very strict water restrictions.

In March last year, some good rains came.

It was wonderful, and we rejoiced.

In December, it rained some more. The catchments were full. We were delighted!

But this time, the rain didn't stop.

It's been raining in Queensland continuously for about a month. At the moment, there are recordings of 4" per hour.

The parched ground hasn't been able to absorb the rain quickly enough, and the south east of Queensland, an area the size of France and Germany combined, is now under water.

Last night, Toowoomba, a town with no river, was hit with an "inland tsunami"

Photo courtesy of @AussieJoy

video courtesy of @PaulaBoardman (protected user)

(Edited to add at 1:26pm 1/6/2010)

8 people died. Including a woman and her child, who couldn't get out of their car before it was swept away.

In total, 15 people are dead (as at Jan 10), and there are 72 people missing in Queensland.

The floods began in Rockhampton, and have since claimed 22 towns (at last count) and affected approximately 20 thousand people. The damage is reported to be in the AUbillions. 3 hundred roads have been closed, including 9 major highways.

Brisbane (state capital) and surrounding areas have started to be evacuated.

To give you an idea just how catastrophic these floods are, I found a couple of inset maps and then I drew on them*...

Click to enlarge

It really is horrific.

Please pray for our country.

The LORD sits enthroned over the flood;

the LORD is enthroned as King forever.

Psalm 29:10

* Please excuse my spelling of "affected" TWICE... I was having a hard enough time writing with that jolly thing as it was

The happy...

2011-01-10T23:55:00.000+09:30

21. Drew's funny, cheeky face
22. "Go fish" with Troy
23. The way Cora crinkles her nose before she laughs
24. A sick husbands gratefulness
25. Our "socialised" health care
26. A snuggly 3 year old son
27. Midnight quiet times with Adam
28. Baby hand claps
29. Orange plastic jewels round my neck
30. Weeds in a chrystal vase
31. Licking the mixing bowl
32. A Sunday off
33. A sweet son who decided of his own volition to wipe down the benches
34. The feeling of stresslessness that comes from a clean bedroom
35. Cool evenings
36. Dancing with Eli
37. Time alone (even if it is just to go to the store)
38. Blackcurrant tea
39. The little pockets of calm throughout the day
40. A cookoo clock that tells it's own time... and goes off accordingly

I hope you feel encouraged to join in this foray into the quietly beautiful. It doesn't have to be anything deep, or profound... jut the little things about your day that bring you joy, and taking the time to be intentionally grateful for them.

Why I'm saying "YES"

2011-01-09T18:41:00.004+09:30

My word is “YES”

Yes to picnincs, just one more movie, board games… cups of tea, midnight swims and movies on the couch without the computer…

To going deeper…

Being more deliberate…

More present.

I needed an all encompassing word. One that incorporated my kids and my husband, my home and my God.

Other words I had considered were

deliberate
discipline
joy
grace

All really good words, and I've seen people choose them. I applaud them. They are courageous words to take on board.

But for me, 'yes' meant all of them. To learn things that I have been avoiding for a long time. Yes to change. To do things where I had to choose to go against what I would necessarily have done. "Yes" requires me to be unselfish. To get up off my butt, or stop what I was doing that was "so important". To do what I know is right, or fun, or necessary.

"No" and "but" were banned.

Already, in this first week of One Word, I have played scrabble and Go Fish with Troy, let Bethany play with my hair, let them stay up late for "just one more movie", fetched that many cups of tea I've lost count, let Eli and Amy sleep in our bed and played Mario Kart with Adam at 3 o'clock in the morning. When Adam asked me to skip church and stay home whith him this morning, I said yes.

Ok. So that one didn't take too much arm twisting, but I'm chalking it up.

The week has been significantly less stressful, even with Adam at home ill with a bad ear infection. (Hence why he didn't go to church). I've let the days roll even more than normal, and haven't beat myself up for not doing more.

It's been lovely.

I'm grateful that my first foray into this hasn't been overly difficult. I'm sure the Lord gave me the word to grow and stretch me though, and you can't do those things without a few tests and spiritual blisters. So needless to say, I'm not taking this first week lightly.

I'm sure "yes" will get more challenging as the year goes on.

As a side note, Lisa Leonard is giving away two Word for the Year necklaces over on her blog! Leave a comment and you will go into the draw. What a beautifully lovely way to remind yourself all year!

YOU:create flashback ~Folk Art

2011-01-06T14:21:00.000+09:30

Seing as though it's only early in the year, I haven't actually created anything, unless putting kids toys together count.

Yeah. Didn't think so.

But, I figured since Gitz could post something she did a decade ago, I could too. :)

Back when Troy was smaller, I was a part of a mothers craft group type thing. One of the activities once was folk art. I'd already taught myself (bit of a recurring theme, that one) the basics, and so I joined that group and made a key holder.

Here it is, 10 years down the track...

I was particularly proud of the petals :)

So there you go. Folk art done by me about 10 years ago.

Overheard This week

2011-01-05T11:17:00.000+09:30

"Mum... Cora smells like ice-cream"

:)

The Little Things

2011-01-03T11:32:00.000+09:30

I spent 10 months looking for the little things I loved about Adam.

It was awesome. Our relationship blossomed, and it was purely because I made the commitment to focus only on the positives.

I've watched as others applied this same principal to their whole lives. This year, I've decided to do it as well.

I've been so negative. I've not been actively involved. I've been lazy, and selfish, and then wondered why my family isn't the way I always wanted it to be. This needs to change. Desperately, and immediately.

So, every Monday, I'm joining with Ann Voskamp over at A Holy Experience and will be paying attention to the little things in my life. Posting 20 things each week will bring me to 1000 at the end of the year.

1. Sunday afternoons in the pool

2. A new house with space

3. A husband who does the dishes

4. A slower pace of life

5. A guest worship leader (oh my)

6. Friends over for new years eve

7. Adam's week off work

8. My eldest son, who helps so much

9. Two new baby teeth

10. Fluffing my new space

11. Money that just seems to streeeetch

12. Night-time rain

13. Exciting prayer times, proclaiming the year of the Lord's favour (Luke4:19)

14. Slow school holiday mornings

15. Mario Kart

16. Baby hello hand waves in the morning

17. Friends who help out

18. Lots of new books to read at bedtimes

19. Children tanning up from the Summer sun

20. The grace of a whole brand new year

You can join in here :) Let's make this year the most beautiful, yes?

My Word

2011-01-02T20:41:00.000+09:30

I'm lazy.

Oh. And selfish.

"Mum... can we paint?"

"No" because you'll make a mess I'll have to clean up

"Mum... can you read me a story?"

"No" because the sooner you're in bed the sooner I can do nothing

"Mum... can I help you cook?"

"No" because I don't want to have to slow everything down so you can manage

"Hun, can we go for a midnight swim?"
"No" because it's cold

"Babe, would you make me a coffee?"
"No" because I'm busy and you're just sitting there

"Jen, want to watch a movie with me?"
"No" because I was planning on sitting on eBay all evening and a bang-bang shoot 'em up isn't high on my to do list.

and so on and so on

This year, I'm saying

Yes

2011

2011-01-01T09:38:00.002+09:30

Happy New Year, every one! I hope you all had a lovely Christmas, and awake to a bright sparkly twenty-eleven.

Adam and I (and the kids... apparently it's frowned upon to move and leave them behind) have moved, and we are now in a bigger place with more room than we know what to do with, and it's been great. The kids are still feeling it out, but that's to be expected. There are new boundaries out here, and a whole new way of interacting that they will need to sort out between themselves.

Adam and I are hopeful this year will be much less stress free... not only at home, but within our ministry as well. The year ended pretty badly, with us losing our bassist and our pianist/our day off leader, so we are left pretty well by ourselves again. But, January usually brings an influx of people to the Territory, usually with Army postings and people beginning new jobs, so we are praying (fervently) for an influx of musicians and leaders.

Personally, I made the resolution to *gulp* give up coke.

Most people laughed.

It's a running joke that I'm a coke addict, and it's uh... true. But the thought came to me quite easily, so I thought... why not? Way to being healthy and all that, right? It's not exactly something that requires chronicling, but every now and then I'll probably let you know how I'm going.

I'm also hoping to read the remaining 75 books on that list over there. We do have some of them as e-books... but I don't know about you... but I much prefer proper books. The feel, the smell... Looks like I'll be hitting the used book stores. I prefer old books anyways, so that's no big arm twist.

Here, I'm going to be participating in a few fun bloggy things... such as...

I've finally settled on a my word for the year, and I'll talk about that tomorrow. I'll probably give an update on Sundays as to how I'm going with it. For some, it may seem a strange word, but I've been using the opposite of it for so long... mainly because I'm lazy. This word will cause me to be more pro-active in many areas of my life, and in a way, it will also incorporate a number of the other words I was debating on using.

I began this ~~sort of~~ ~~kind of~~ ~~not really~~ twice last year, but I fully intend on doing it properly every Thursday this year. I have the space now, and with my "one word" I kind of also don't have an excuse not to.

I've done something similar to this in the past, which you can read here. This.. this I need to do for my life. To slow down, to find the beautiful in the mundane. The miracles in the ordinary.

So. What are your plans/hopes/dreams for this brand new year? I'd love to hear them.

Cleansing

2010-12-02T14:03:00.041+09:30

While I'm in the middle of packing, I've been very ruthless with myself.

Do I love it?
Do I use it?

I don't know where I first heard it, but this is the mantra I'm using:

"Keep only that which you know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful"

If the answer is no to either of those guidelines, it goes.

I want to start fresh, clean and without overwhelming amounts of stuff.

I've tossed a bunch of stuff, well... donated it... but still there is more. All the little things that never really found a home in the last 2.5 years are still homeless and lying around, and I don't know how to pack them.

I refuse to have a MISC CRAP box this time.

So, while I was sorting and purging and packing and washing and donating, I noticed the first twinges of awareness come back to me after a long time without any...

Thankyou, Lord that I actually have belongings to pack
Thank you, Lord that I have too much.
Thank you, Lord, that even when I give a lot away, I still have so much..
Thankyou, Lord that in all honesty, I lack for nothing.

Library

2010-11-26T09:00:00.004+09:30

Adam and I have been wanting to enlarge our library. Not only have we had children destroy our books, but we gave a lot of them away in various moves. Adam still regrets giving up his Tom Clancy and Dale Brown collections.

On facebook today, a girlfriend had one of those "paste this into your notes" type surveys. The premise was that out of the listed hundred books, the BBC believed that most people would have read only 6. (some were book series counted as one)

I was quite delighted to realise that I had read 26 of them, but saddened to acknowledge that it had been many, many years since I had. Of late, I've found it difficult to focus on a book long enough to read it through, which is quite a distinct difference from a few years ago, where I could get through a book in a day. (I read Deathly Hallows in under 8 hours. I did time it too... but I still think Gwyn read it faster). Some of them, I'd either heard of, or even had on my bookshelf at one time, but never got around to, and others, I've seen the movie, but not actually read the book. There were also some they I've started, but not fonished for some reason or other.

So, I'm going to make it my endeavour to read the entire list in the coming year. I'm going to post it over to the side and cross them off as I read them. I'll pop in bold the ones I already have. I'll italic them if I want to read it again, to refresh.

Which ones should I make my priority?

Observations of Lifestyle, North vs South... Aussie style

2010-11-23T11:25:00.000+09:30

1. Down South, you spend 5 minutes waiting for the hot water tap to heat up. Up North, you wait 5 minutes waiting for the cold water to cool down.

2. Down South, people have a real problem with being bare foot in public. Up North, most kids don't know how to put their socks on right.

3. Down South, people get dressed up to go to the mall. Up North, you're lucky if they put a shirt on over their swimsuit.

4. Down South, they put their heaters on 18°C to warm up. Up North, air conditioners are on 18°C to cool down.

5. Down South, if you get caught in the rain on the street, you run for cover. Up North, you just keep on walking.

6. Down South 25°C requires an air conditioner. Up North, if it's that cold, you half expect snow.

7. Up North, it's no big deal if you wear thongs (flip flops) to church. Down South, the very idea is horrific.

8. Up North, we go to the shopping centre for the air conditioner. Down South, you guessed it, they go for the heater.

9. Up North, we think nothing of driving an hour and a half (or even more) for a day trip. Down South, that takes 3 weeks planning and requires frequent rest stops.

10. Up North, when the rain comes, children beg to be let out to play. Down South, they scamper back inside.

11. Up North, everything is left in the fridge until the very moment you need it. Down South, you can leave the butter out for 3 hours and it's still too hard to spread.

12. Up North, you keep medicines and creams in the fridge, not only because it's the only place "below 30°C" but because it's so wonderful and cool when you use it. Down South, that just sounds pervy.

What is left over...

2010-11-15T11:15:00.002+09:30

I've been south, helping my very precious, dear friend prepare her wedding day.

The nuptials were Saturday, and I've never seen a more deliriously happy bride in my life. Especially one that was so sure she'd never, ever want to marry.

She's about to cry here... walking down the aisle with her dad.

Love, especially when gifted by God, is such a beautiful, life changing thing.

Renée & Kevin

The quote they placed in their order of service was so very apt to them and their story, and I'd like to share it here, as a reminder for all those married (including myself!) that love is so much more than heart flutterings and "in love-ness".

Be blessed in your marriages today and onwards.

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
~ St. Augustine

Laid back Yobbos

2010-11-06T15:02:00.002+09:30

We here in Australia are laid back to a fault, sometimes, I think. We definitely aren't panic merchants. We certainly haven't canceled the barbie recently. America seems to go all Rita Hayworth over even the smallest thing.

Which is why you guys have the best t.v shows and movies. You're dramatic.

Take the cyclone vs. hurricane categories. Cyclones being southern hemisphere, hurricanes the north.

We are coming up to cyclone season, and the prediction this year is that we are likely to get a few more than past years, and earlier than normal. So, I thought I'd share this little comparison thing I found years and years ago. The wind speeds are close, with ours tending to be a little higher after category 2. Apparently, they're just a good wind storm... nothing to get too excited about. The description of damage up to category 3 pretty much identical. But check out what happens when 4 and 5 pop up....

Category 1 Cyclone: Strongest gust less than 77.67 miles per hour. Negligible house damage. Damage to some crops, trees and caravans. Craft may drag moorings.
Category 1 Hurricane: Winds of 74-95 miles per hour. Minimal damage, primarily to foliage, unanchored mobile homes and poorly constructed signs.

Category 2 Cyclone: Strongest gust 77.67-105.63 miles per hour. Minor house damage. Significant damage to signs, trees and caravans. Heavy damage to some crops. Risk of power failure. Small craft may break moorings.
Category 2 Hurricane: Winds of 96-110 miles per hour. Damage moderate, mobile homes heavily damaged, some damage to roofs and windows of homes.

Category 3 Cyclone: Strongest gust 105.63-139.8 miles per hour. Some roof and structural damage. Some caravans destroyed. Power failure likely.
Category 3 Hurricane: Winds of 111-130 miles per hour. Damage moderate, mobile homes heavily damaged, some damage to roofs and windows of homes.

Category 4 Cyclone: Strongest gust 139.8-173.98 miles per hour. Significant roofing loss and structural damage. Many caravans destroyed and blown away. Dangerous airborne debris. Widespread power failure.
Category 4 Hurricane: winds of 131-155 miles per hour. Damage extreme, homes heavily damaged, complete destruction to mobile homes and large trees uprooted.

Category 5 Cyclone: Gusts more than 173.8 miles per hour. Extremely dangerous with widespread destruction.
Category 5 Hurricane: Winds greater than 155 miles per hour. Damage catastrophic, small buildings blown away or overturned. Few trees left at all.

It's the catastrophic damage v extremely dangerous that gets me.

Oh, and the "few trees left at all."

At. ALL, people.

*ahem*

It could just be my dramatic flair, but this tickles me.

*please note I cannot remember or find where I found this years ago. Despite trying to find the link, I have been unable... if you come across it, please let me know, so I can give due credit.

Please hear what I'm not saying

2010-11-05T13:13:00.001+09:30

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks -
masks that I'm afraid to take off
and none of them are me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature with me
But don't be fooled, for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure
That all is sunny and unruffled with me
within as well as out
that confidence is my name
and coolness is my game,
that the water's calm
and I'm in command,
and that I need no one.
But don't believe me. Please!

My surface may be smooth but my surface is my mask,
My ever-varying and ever-concealing mask.
Beneath lies no smugness, no complacence.
Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in fear, in aloneness.
But I hide this.
I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weaknesses
and fear exposing them.
That's why I frantically create my masks to hide behind.
They're nonchalant, sophisticated facades to help me pretend,
To shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only salvation
and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
and if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself
from my own self-built prison walls
from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect.
That glance from you is the only thing that assures me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.

But I don't tell you this.
I don't dare.
I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh
and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing, that I'm just no good
and you will see this
and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
With a facade of assurance without
And a trembling child within.
So begins the parade of masks,
The glittering but empty parade of masks,
And my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that's nothing
And nothing of what's everything, of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
Do not be fooled by what I'm saying
Please listen carefuly and try to hear
what I'm not saying.
Hear what I'd like to say
but what I can not say.

I dislike hiding.
Honestly.
I dislike the supificial game I'm playing,
the superficial phony game.
I'd really like to be genuine
and me.
But I need your help, your hand to hold
Even though my masks would tell you otherwise.

It will not be easy for you.
Long felt inadequacies make my defences strong.
The nearer you approach me
The blinder I may strike back.
Despite what the books say of men, I am irrational;
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
You wonder who I am?
You shouldn't
for I am everyman
and everywoman
who wears a mask.
Don't be fooled by me.
At least not by the face I wear.

~Charles C. Finn (1966)
no relation

(Found this looking for something else on my old blog. It was more true then than it is now... but it still resonates.)

He Said She Heard

2010-10-26T15:26:00.006+09:30

What I heard my pastor say on Sunday:

"raise your hand...tired...weary...raising children"

Surely, and without pride, up goes my hand.

And only my hand.

The pastor asked me what else I lie about...

An elder laughs.

A friend four rows behind me busts out with "I knew it!"

Adam leans over and whispers:

"yeah, that was a negative question Jen."

Turns out, what he'd actually said was

"Raise your hand if you never feel tired or wearing raising children."

Have you an embarrassing 'they said, you heard' moment?

So not with the gushy crowd

2010-10-25T10:00:00.000+09:30

You know the ones.

The one' who's facebook statuses are a constant love fest of

"Johnny said the cutest Jesus reference today!"

or

"Sarah is just the most beautifully behaved three year old child! She is the delight of my life!"

or

"Look at these 150 thousand adorable photos of my kid... eating... watermelon" (or whatever)

or

"I've been away from my kids for 2 days and I MISS THEM SO MUCH!"

or

"Daughters are.... sugar... spice... everything perfect and nice... repost if your daughter brings you more joy... blah

BLAH

BLAH

You may have guessed that I am not the gushy parent.

No, really.

And I seem to be the lone voice when it comes to "tough morning" or "I want to run away and never come back" status updates. I feel like there's something wrong with me when we do get a night or two to ourselves, and people ask, "so do you miss them?" and I'm all like... "*laugh* No".

I don't keep every item of schoolwork they bring home. In fact, I loathe it when the teachers send it all home at the end of the year. I don't keep detailed books on their first year, or do monthly scrapbook spreads, I don't keep every piece of artwork that gets shoved under my nose or whatever else people do that unintentionally makes me feel like an inferior parent.

I have friends who are constantly telling me that they ABSOLUTELY LOVE HOLIDAYS (while I've just told them how badly I'm struggling not to send mine to Siberia) or that they just COUNT DOWN THE MINUTES until their cherubs get home from school (while my younger kids begin to cry as soon as I tell them we have to go and pick the others up) or how sweet and loving, and already passionate about Jesus their 2 year old is (while I've just about given up on mine ever doing as they're told). The constant "my kid is so adorable" seriously makes me want to puke. I'm like... what fantasy land do you people live in? Can I get tickets please?

It makes me feel bad. Because, obviously, I'm doing the whole mothering gig terribly wrong. It makes me feel guilty, too, because I know how lucky I am to have my children with me... alive.

Oh, I have 'excuses'.

I am aware that we are coming out of an incredibly trying time. We eight live in a tiny house. Troy has Autism, which has been regressing rather over the last 12 months. This then, of course, leads to lots of screaming and fighting and bickering. I realise this does not help with the liking of children right now.

But this is not the real reason.

And this is where the introspection comes in.

I should enjoy my children more. I should notice the things they say more. They ARE only little once, and this should be such a wonderful time. All the mothers who have grown children that I admire all say the same thing... "I wish I'd played with them more" or urge me to get down on their level more.

Back when I was the 'perfect parent' (ie: NO CHILDREN) I had all the intentions in the world to do just that. I would play tea parties and dolls with the girls. Have a sword fight with the boys. Teach them all to cook. Lay out on a blanket in the backyard with the baby. We'd have traditions, and beautiful memories.

Why did it not work out that way? I grieve that time.

I've tried to do Emily's Tuesdays Unwrapped, because I think it is a beautiful, intentional thing, but at the moment, it just feels like when you get a HUGE present, and you unwrap it only to find it's just a brick.

I've tried to find the God in every moment as so many of my friends seem able to do... and I know He's there... I just ... oh... I don't know.

Sometimes it seems like I'm making it something it's not. Sometimes, it just... is.

Perhaps I should fake it til I make it?

Am I just tired? Emotionally and physically? Have I not made a big enough effort to make the best of the situation? Families our size live in smaller houses than I all over the world, and they still manage to keep it clean and have a loving family.

I bought a plaque when we first moved in here, because it was what I truly believed would happen while we were here... "Love grows best in little houses"

It mocks me now.

And I'll be leaving it here when we move.

At the moment, it's like I'm looking down the tunnel and I've finally see the light at the end. And I know that I only have a short way to go until I don't have to hold white knuckled to my sanity or the last shreds of determination not to become depressed. We will be moving the day after school lets out for the Christmas break, and it's almost like we are pining all our hopes of normalcy on the bigger block. We have reasons to do this... we never had the problems we do now when we lived in a bigger house etc etc... but I realise it also will depend a lot upon my own attitude, and the instillation of new routines, and the RE introductions of others... like eating at the dinner table (no room here for our 10 seater. We've eaten all but about 4 meals on the living room floor in the last 2 years.)

I don't think I'll ever be gushy. But it sure will be nice to be able to post funny things again, like I used to. That I'll be able to notice the little things more, because I won't be so distracted by the newly broken window, or the fists that are being thrown.

There hasn't been a lot of laughter the last year.

I'm really hoping that will change.

We will have 8 weeks after we move to find our rhythm before school begins. My "To Do List" for those weeks begins like this:

* Have a tea party with the girls
* Have a sword fight with the boys
* Lay on a blanket with the baby

Bloggy-twitterverse Interwebs

2010-10-22T16:34:00.010+09:30

I opened my first online diary on August 17th 2004.

I didn't tell my husband.

In fact, I didn't let him know anything of it for about 6 months.

I created an entire group of friends without my husbands knowledge. It was my own little world.

Social media is a good thing. However, like a lot of good things, it can also be used poorly. My decision not to let Adam know about it caused a HUGE issue when he finally found out. He never made me shut any of it down (though we did agree to cut off all ties with one person, but that's a another story for a different time) but he was hurt, and for a long time was totally against social media as a viable source of community and friendship.

I got the whole gamut...

You have real friends too, you know

How do you know they are genuine?

How can you feel so deeply about them? You don't know them.

Lets take a look at those arguments

Firstly, we need to define real.

A couple of definitions there are

1. Being or occurring in fact or actuality
2. True and actual; not imaginary, alleged, or ideal
3. Genuine and authentic; not artificial or spurious

But the one I loved the most is

Existing objectively in the world regardless of subjectivity or conventions of thought or language

...~::~...

I am immensely honoured and priveilaged to be guest posting over at Prudy's place today, as a part of her series about the online community. Swing on over, and make sure to read the experiences from the other amazing women.

Draft Dump

2010-10-19T12:39:00.005+09:30

I have a bunch of posts sitting in my draft folder.

They're there for a number of reasons. Usually becasue I can't make them sound like they do in my head. Some are just a sentence, or a collection of ideas that I hope will morph one day.

And I can't decide which one to deal with.

But I also have nothing really fun to write about until my friend gets back to me with the photos from Eli's birthday.

So. I'll give you 5 headings that I have sitting in my draft folder, and you guys can vote on what you think would be an interesting post. I'll write it up, and post it on Monday (my time, Sunday yours)

And so... the list of contenders are:

1) Dust reflects the Son
2) THIS is starving
3) Honestly
4) Intentionally Intentional
5) So not with the Gushy crowd

Ok. Go for it. Which would you like to see me attempt?

Back in 5...

2010-10-13T14:31:00.002+09:30

I am crazy busy trying to get the house ready for Eli's birthday party on Saturday.

But trust me. There will be some serious YOU:create-ing happening.

The Shopping List

2010-10-09T21:36:00.005+09:30

When we knew we had to start looking for a house, we knew we needed at a minimum, 4 bedrooms. Troy does not share well, and he needs a place where he can go and chill out and calm down before facing the world again.

We had a word from a visiting prophet back in June that the lord would provide a house for us that was exactly what we needed.

I'm pretty sure I've said this before, but I can't be bothered to go and find it.

Anyways, we wrote a list for what we would like in a house. Nothing really extravagant, really, considering we are going to have something like 5 teenagers at any one time, and teenagers invariably come with friends.

The house that we have been approved for to move to for the next year checks enough of the boxes for us to know that this is good for now, but not enough for us to be convinced that the house is still to eventuate.

I found the list in my prayer journal while I was tidying (!!) up today, while I was packing, and I thought I might post it here.

Again, I think I said I'd do this.

So. We prayed, in faith, for:

* 5-6 bedrooms (for office/guest room & a music room also) X It has 4
* A big yard or block a 4 acres is plenty big enough :)
* Shed/man cave a It's a three car garage
* Separate lounge/family room X But the master bedroom is big enough to have a small sitting room
* Be close enough for on call. a Just.
* A large, in ground pool a 8X4m
* Good neighbours with appropriate friends for kids - Not sure yet.
* Big, open plan kitchen a I can move the island bench around :)
* Airconditioning throughout a
* En suite a
* Private a we have 1 neighbour, and their house is a paddock away from ours. the next closest is the people across the road. Well, and the land lady, who lives in a flat on the property, but that doesn't count :)
* Girls and boys bathrooms X
* Entertainment area a Huge verandahs
* Formal dining X It's open plan... ie, living/dining/kitchen in one room
* No snakes or dingoes a & X They don't have dingoes, but they do have snakes that come for the chickens. Nothing prayer can't fix!
* Good climbing trees a
* Walk in robes a & X There is a walk in robe to the master. The kids don't have cupboards at all
* Walk in pantry X I was a little concerned about the lack of cupboard space in the kitchen
* Big laundry room X The laundry is situated outside on the verandah, which I hate.
* Storage a It has a loft! I was so stoked. It was a little thing that I wanted, but I didn't actually write down. God likes me a little bit :)
* Fully tiled a (I hate carpet up here. It makes everything so hot.

So, there it is. And out of 21 requests, with this house, we got 14 :)

I'm so thankful God hears us. At the moment, we are just crazy excited to be getting out of this wee place. We know this new place is just a stepping stone.

I just like that it's a big one ;)

Ok, the vanity wins

2010-10-04T10:06:00.008+09:30

Ok.

So, the get skinny project has begun.

I have basically, 44lbs to lose, to get back to a husband approved 132.

I'd go lower. He won't let me.

Anyways. I need to be skinny(er, at least) by November 8th, when I leave to spend a week in Newcastle with my girlfriend, and then attend her wedding on the 13th.

Can we say over-achiever, much?

I'd post a picture of me now, but, um, I'd rather die.

So. 44lbs in 5 weeks, best case scenario. It's do-able... 8.8lbs a week. Or, for me, 3.99kg.

The Stats

Height: 5'5"
Weight: 182.98lbs
Bust: 46"
Waist: 41"
Hips: 43"
Thigh: 23"

The Game Plan

1) Cut the coke. *cry*
2) Cut the complex carbs... bread, potatoes, pasta
3) Cut the dairy... milk, cheese *sob*
4) Up the protein... lotsa lotsa meat
5) Eat every 3 hours... 3 mains, 3 snacks
6) Drink a bucket load more water
7) Walk on the treadmill for 1 hour a day/10k daily (whack in a movie, off I go)
8) Jillan Michaels' 30 Day Shred.

I was meant to start Jillian this morning, and get the most awful thing over and done with, but apparently, Adam woke me up three times.

I do not remember this. At all.

I remember getting up repetitively to the girls all night, which is probably why I remember not the alarm or the husband.

So, I'll go for a walk shortly, and then walk around the shops some more to do some errands Adam has asked.

Get your pom-poms ready, peoples. You've got some cheerin' on to do.

I'd rather be a Tax Collector than a Pharisee.

2010-10-01T08:47:00.007+09:30

Some days, all I can manage to pray is

"Be with me, Jesus"

And often, I don't even have the strength to create sound. Some days it's mouthed, others it's a whisper inside my head.

I am tempted to see this as a failing. That my prayers aren't beautiful prose, that they aren't sprinkled with verses and the promises of God.

But always, this story comes to mind:

"Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.'

"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'

~Luke 18:10-13

God would much rather hear my hearfelt 4 word prayer than any long winded thing I spew out because it makes me look holy and sanctified, and satisfies some part of me that says I've just done it 'right'.

My little prayer carries many answers, and I hear them being softly whispered to me as I pray my desperate petition;

"I will never leave you or forsake you..."

"I am with you always..."

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."..."

"I carry you, weary mother..."

It is such a comfort to know that whenever I manage to muster up this cry

"...God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer. Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!"

What's your desperation prayer,
and how does God answer it through His Word?

I'll learn one day

2010-09-30T08:19:00.003+09:30

I say I trust God with all things.

I say that I have faith.

I say that I'm so laid back because I know God's in control.

LIES!!! ALL LIES!!! *grin*

Seriously. A couple of things popped up financially the last couple of days that came with only a slight sense of panic.

Want to know the first thing I did?

I started to look for ways to find the money myself.

Well, after I prayed though. Of course, you actually have to do something to help God, you know.

That was sarcastic.

So, after attempting to extend our credit cards, (declined) finding new ones to give us money, (declined) considering a personal loan and hacking a way at our telecommunications budget...

I saved, approximately... $150 a month. But only if I could find $300 to buy us out of my phone contract. Not exactly extraordinary, and nothing that would help us now. You know... when we need it.

I didn't exactly have a melt down, but I wondered again what was going to happen. I don't know why, because every single time this has happened God has always come through.

Why do I doubt? When he has proved Himself over and over to be faithful to provide, why do I keep thinking "perhaps this time He won't"?

I mean, sure. There have been times when we've had to cop the lesson due to our own poor choices and drag ourselves out of whatever mess we've gotten ourselves into. But He's never left us high and dry. When we have been down to an empty bank account from paying off bills and still 4 days left until payday and not enough food, people have popped money in the offering for us. Or we find a random stash of change. Or someone rings us offering a meal. Whatever. We are never left hungry or homeless.

Case in point.

In the housing climate here, we weren't sure we'd be able to afford to rent a house when mum gets back from England in twenty six days (!!! SQUEE !!!). We prayed. We went looking. Not a lot... but nothing really stood out. We got a word from a visiting prophet that God would supply us a house for our ministry God is leading us into. Barely managed to contain a cheer. We went home and wrote a list. Then we prayed over it. And left it. About a week later, we get an email from an old friend saying they had a friend with a house blah blah blah.

The house checked every box but one. Seriously. Down to the rent amount, room number... a loft! The only box it didn't check was a laundry room. It has an external laundry which I can live with. I'll find the list, and I'll post it tomorrow.

God always comes through.

And yesterday, He did it again.

Adam realised that he has not been paid correctly since July. $300 a fortnight, to be exact.

We're getting a lump sum back pay :) And the extra per week will help oh, you know, a little bit.

And I'm pretty sure God was smiling, all pleased with Himself.

I know I heard Him whisper to my heart all smilingly "See? Trust me. Just another lesson, dearest. Learn it this time? as much as I love revealing Myself to you...

It's getting old for Me, too."

CHAOS and Sabbath

2010-09-27T13:58:00.016+09:30

The new book for the Bloom Book club has been announced, and I can't wait to read it.

Angie and Jess said it their video release (that sounds so cool) that author Wayne Muller gives practical ways of creating a Sabbath. I hope so. I've found a lot of these book tend to be aimed at mothers that already have life pretty well together, and I, well... I so don't.

Our pastor is doing a series at church at the moment called "Servants & Stewards".

On Sunday, he said something like (because i didn't have a pen... or a notebook for that matter, I'll paraphrase)

"Quite often, we don't see growth in one area,
because we don't have another area in order"

Cue conscience prick.

I struggle very, very much with keeping a tidy home. I wish it to be a warm, restful, calm haven for my husband and family, but long ingrained requirements and definitions of clean and tidy make the task seem overwhelming.

My name is Jenny, and I suffer from CHAOS.

And a symptom of said CHAOS, is I don't feel I deserve a Sabbath.

I struggle to justify doing anything when so much is needed to be done in my home. I felt guilty the entire time I was sewing the other week. I have stacks of patterns I need to make up, but won't let myself, because I feel I don't deserve it. I don't go on outings with the children, because the time would be better spent tidying up the brothel I call a kitchen.

I don't have quiet time, I don't work out, I don't shower (hows that for honesty) because I feel that I'm being selfish to take time for me when that is time I should be using to clean.

Shitty thing about it, is that time I'm "saving" I don't actually do anything with, because I'm so intimidated by the sheer mountain of stuff that needs to be done. I hate only half doing things, so when I clean, it ALL must be done. And if I can't get it all done in my allotted time, then I won't even begin.

It's a vicious cycle.

If we're going to be brutally honest here, there are to major sins I see outworking in this area of my life.

Pride and Laziness

The way the pride comes into it is almost backwards. I want to have a clean house so it makes me look good. If I can't, then why bother?

Control issues, much?

Laziness... apathy... meh.

Meh.

That's my attitude most days. It's a constant fight in my head. I wake up wanting desperately to get into it and just get it done already. And then the kids will fight as they are waking up.

Meh.

I walk out to try and figure out breakfast, only to be confronted with every dish in the sink, dirty.

Meh.

The clothes I managed to wash last night when I did the uniforms have been dumped out of the dryer all over the floor.

Meh.

But it's not just meh. That's how I cope. Inside, I'm angry and guilty and feeling like a failure on so many levels it's not funny.

I'm thinking it's just going to take a concerted effort to overcome this battle I have in my mind... and my heart. I'm going to have to start making small changes, start new habits. Change my mindset.

Begin.

Do you have any tips that work for you
to keep your house under controll?

Come over to Bloom's new home and join us in pulling this book to bits, then sticking it all back together so it impacts our lives in practical ways.

YOU:create {chalkboard ~take 2}

2010-09-24T11:43:00.009+09:30

Remember my first YOU:create? The chalk board I made from an old tabletop to write scriptures on for my kids to learn each week? The one I botched up?

Well, I finally got around to having another go at it. It still isn't perfect, but it will do the job. As Nester says, It Doesn't Have To Be Perfect To Be Beautiful.

I sanded off as much of the crappy spray on chalkboard paint as I could ~~be bothered~~, and then painted over the top with the paintbrush version. I used a brush that was too big, and in temperatures the paint told me not to. (If I obeyed them, I'd have to paint at like, 3am). I also got blobs of paint everywhere, but I was so passed not caring.

Then, to make it look not quite so fresh, I rubbed chalk all over it, then dusted it off. I didn't bother much (at all) with distressing, as I figure it'll get bashed around pretty well just by moving. I'll have another look at it later.

And thus, this is what resulted...

I bought hanger things to go on the back, but, like most things around here, they have grown legs and wandered.

This, That and the Other

2010-09-20T08:25:00.003+09:30

Thank you all for your lovely comments! I had a lovely time making them :)

The next two weeks are term break for us here. I'm going to attempt to get them to help me pack up the house, but I also prefer to remain sane.

I've been looking at the posts in my drafts folder, and was wondering if perhaps a "Draft Dump" week long bloggy festival might be in order... would you be interested?

Started dieting and working out again this week. It needed to happen.

I've started planning Eli's birthday party. It's going to be so much fun... Jungle theme with a bunch of little kids running around in fancy dress.

My pastor has been preaching on Servants v Stewards. It's a great series. I have thoughts.

The Hubsand and I were blessed with two nights free of the kids over the weekend. Friday afternoon until Sunday at church. It. Was. BLISS. We went to friends place for dinner and board games o Friday night, on Saturday we slept in until 11:30, went to lunch, window shopped some new furniture, went and had a barbie and watched my footy team win their semi (GRAND FINAL BABY!!) at my brothers and ended up staying over the night. It was so nice to just decide that at the last minute :) Can't remember the last time we've done that.

I feel renewed. Which is just as well, becasue it's only 8:30 on day one of holidays, and I'm ready to gaffer tape them all to their walls.

You:create {embroidery}

2010-09-16T16:11:00.001+09:30

I'm kinda sorta (but not really) cheating, because I did one of these for last weeks You:create, but blogger wasn't cooperating. I did the smaller two this week though, promise!

I've always enjoyed sewing cross stitch, and admired needlepoint embroidery, so I set to work to teach myself a few years ago how to do it.

This particular piece is very simple, comprising of only back-stitch and whipped back-stitch, (and some french knots) but I think it very beautiful.

Please excuse my crappy photos. I'm still learning how to use my camera.

5"

4"

I am giving them as an engagement gift... don't you think they tell a beautiful story about nurturing love?

Hop on over and see what else people are doing
::~just for fun~::
and add something of your own :)

The pattern was created by etsy seller September House and the pattern is the Seedling Trio.
They are based on some watercolours she made for her new baby's room.

The Never-Ending Story

2010-09-15T11:44:00.000+09:30

Love

Marriage Verse

2010-09-14T08:32:00.004+09:30

You know how you can go through the Bible and take the day and month of your birthday and find "your" verse?

I decided to try it for our wedding anniversary... 7/6 (that's June 7th for you northern hemespherians. We do it day-month, not month-day down here)

I wanted a nice one obviously, so I discarded the ones that spoke about descendents being slaves and mistreated (Acts), four headed winged beasts (Daniel), honouring lips but distant hearts (Mark [though convicting]), deceit by friends (Obadiah) and shocking family relations (Micah). And forget a bout Job. Miserable man.

I kid, I kid.

There were a couple which made me stop and think... are they apt for us?

Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet (Matthew)

And when you were eating and drinking, were you not just feasting for yourselves? (Zechariah)

There was a cute one...

How beautiful you are and how pleasing o love, with your delights (Song of Songs)

In the end, I setled on two that I wanted to speak out over my marriage.

Firstly, from Deuteronomy;

For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. The Lord your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be His people, His treasured possession

And secondly, from Luke, and probably my favourite for it's simplicity...

So Jesus went with them.

{{Selah}}

May you always, Lord.

What would your marriage verse be?

Or your salvation date (marriage to God, perhaps?)

if you don't have an earthly husband?

Discuss...

2010-09-12T17:26:00.000+09:30

“There is a darkness that would love to choke out a woman’s gift of worship. I have, at times, walked through what feels like fire and ice trying to muster up the courage to step out and really lead people in prayer. To this day that battle still rages; I am at odds with the voices that would insinuate how unworthy I am of this post. That insinuation is, of course, a warped truth. I am unworthy, and yet the mad, glorious way of God is to take unworthy people and declare them to be suited for ministry; and through their lives, reconcile the world to Himself. In the midst of so much deception and fear, I can only be equipped to lead God’s people in sung prayer and worship if I abide in the heart of the Father, take up the cross of Christ, and receive the anointing of the Holy Spirit. These three attitudes of receptivity to God are integral to my ministry; receptivity is a great gift of being feminine; and like Mary, mother of Jesus, we receive Him in order to then “birth” Him into the world…in other words, in receiving God, we can give Him to others”.

::~ Audrey Assad

I would love to hear your thoughts...

In the Midst of Them

2010-09-11T00:10:00.015+09:30

The Compassion bloggers have been in Guatemala for 3 days now and I've not mentioned it.

Odd, considering my sponsor child lives there.

Let me explain as best I can.

For whatever reason, I presumed Delmar lived in a house on a lush green hill. With goats. (I am aware this is starting to sound like Heidi) Granted, it was small; one, perhaps two roomed abode, but a still, a house. With walls and a roof and windows cut out (but no glass). Perhaps made of stone. Maybe mud.

This is obviously my idea of poverty.

The reality is heartbreaking. The photos that are coming back have left my preconceived ideas decimated.

Some do live in houses, but more often than not they live in crude shantys. I've seen families of 11 squashed into a dwelling not much bigger than the bed they all sleep on.

The grass is scarce, as it's all been buried under mudslides caused by hurricanes, earthquakes and torrential rain.

And the hill isn't romantic. It's dangerous, and has these little homes stuck to its side and I cling to my seat expecting at any moment to see one fall (yes, in a photo) and take out the one under it, and the next one, and the next one.

And I do not know what my heart feels.

I know it hurts. I know I feel like a selfish worm.

After reading and rereading this exquisite post I think I've suffered either all the stages of grief in half an hour or culture shock here in my own living room. With couches. And glass windows. And walls. Concrete ones, not bed sheets or corrugated iron.

For whatever reason, I thought my $54AU a months dragged them physically out of the muck. My idea of muck. Not reality's muck. To see that it doesn't do either makes me........ (insert feeling I haven't quite pinned down yet)

But this does not stop me from believing in Compassion, what they do, and Who they stand for.

Because I see parents with eyes co-mingled with grief and hope.

Because I see children with smiles bigger than their faces.

Because I see hands raised in prayer. Because I see children singing in Spanish a song I sang as a child (with the same actions you knew, Lisa-Jo!). Because they now have hopes and dreams. A future.

But most importantly, because I see my Jesus. Their Jesus.

His presence hangs thick. I can see it and feel it through the photos.

His promise to "be in the midst" is as much true there in the have-nothing of Guatemala as it is here in Australia, over in the US or anywhere else His name is breathed and proclaimed Lord.

He just needs us to be his hands and feet and heart and wallet and usher them into the place they can learn that His hand is strong and mighty, and it holds theirs tightly.

I still don't know how to articulate my feelings on seeing where my boy lives, but I do know that what I'm doing is making a difference to him, his sweet, brave mother and his grandfather.

In Jesus Name

Click the picture to be directed to Compassion's Guatemala page and sponsor a heart-child

(I called them heart children because that's what I call Delmar. When I clicked on the link to make sure it worked, I realised that if a child has a heart on their profile picture, it means they have been waiting over 6 months for a sponsor.
So please... do consider a heart child, in more ways than one)

Meh.

2010-08-27T10:14:00.004+09:30

Somewhere along the way between Child 1 and Child 6 I got... wider.

In comparrison to a lot of people, I'm not exactly fat, but I'm certainly not the size and shape I should be.

Though, it must be said, that I really have no idea what my shape should be, after 6 kids, so this will be an interesting exersise.

Ha. Exersise. I'm funny.

After seeing Adam do so well on the plan he is doing, I figured I would give it a go. I've no idea what I weigh, as the kids destroyed our scales (reccuring theme in our house. You will hear it a lot)

I started today. I have to walk on the treadmil for an hour a day and basically eat a little protein with everything, every three hours and cut out all complex carbs. Nothing drastic.

While I know I will really like being thin again, (and discovering what my body actually looks like after 6 kids) I also know that my boobs will always make me look bigger. And that's really discouraging.

For example...

Ok... we'll acknowledge the fact that I have crappy posture. But for serious, my boobs take up ALL of my torso. They go all around to my back. They practically sit on my lap. (I have pictures to prove it. For real. In a bra, obviously. We had reasons to take them. Nothing lewd.) They make me look at least a good 10-15 pounds heavier than I am.

This is me standing up... can you tell I leeerve photos?

A little thinner, but still not great. And I really should get Adam to take some un-edited photos... you can't really see here.

But any way. These were taken 3 weeks ago.

I might keep posting updates if your interested. Even if you're not, I probably will. I need some sort of accountability ;)

Sorry the tone of this is so... meh.

Almost traded in

2010-08-22T22:41:00.002+09:30

Amy has a habit of tacking on a sentence to every request, because, for some reason, she thinks it holds weight...

"Fweeze? I be your best fwend!"

We're trying to encourage her that this isn't the best attitude to have when asking people for something.

Actual conversation that took place on Friday after I told her that no, she couldn't have what she wanted...

Amy: "My not your best fwend, then"
Me: "I'm not here to be your friend, I'm here to be your mother"
Amy: "My find another mother"
Me: *eyebrow raise* "Will you now?"
Amy: "yes"

I walked to the front door, opened it, gestured...
Me: "off you go then".

She walked out, and only made it to the end of the driveway before she started crying. I watched her out the window until she came back to the door, and she informs me...

Amy: "My can't find another mother"
Me: "Can't you?"
Amy: *shakes her head*
Me: "Would you like to come back home?"
Amy: *Nods yes*
Me: "Ok. I love you!"
Amy: *trots back inside* "Love you mummy!"

It was hilarious :)

O Death... you have a sting today

2010-08-11T18:47:00.004+09:30

My Granny died yesterday.

I haven't spoken to her for nearly 7 years.

No fall out... our family just sucks at contact.

While I'm sad about it, and I miss her already and have a headache from crying and not crying... it's not where the grief comes in.

I don't believe she knew the Lord.

She converted to Catholosism to marry my Pa, but I don't think there was ever any relationship. I'm sure she believed in God, but... well... we know what James 2:19 says about that.

I head down to Tasmania for the funeral tonight.

Yes.

There is sting in death today.

Good Noise vs Bad Noise

2010-07-30T07:54:00.007+09:30

We're moving.

Not any time greatly soon, we've been renting my mothers house while she's been in England these last two years, and she gets home in 2 months.

One could say both Adam and I like to be prepared.

Either that or we know how spectacularly we can procrastinate until we only have 4 days to pack up a house of 6 kids.

Needless to say, we've begun collecting boxes and as of last night, started putting things away.

We are loving it.

While we are incredibly grateful that we had mums place to move into, it has been the most trying two years as a family to date. Mum's house is.... small, to put it nicely.... and it has been really hard squeezing six children into a house built for three people.

Did I mention there's no back yard?

Anyway, we are so excited to move to a bigger home. One where we can have a bedroom. Sleeping on the lounge room floor was fun for about a week. One where I can send the kids outside to run off some steam.

One where their fighting isn't magnified by the closeness of the walls.

The hardest thing these last two years has been the noise. The relentless noise of cooped up kids with cabin fever. I am so looking forward to having my sanity back. There is nothing worse than constant bickering, screaming and wailing.

As a singer and generally all-round musical person, I am sensitive to noise. Being an INFP personality only compounds this. I was talking to a dear prayer warrior friend at church the other week and I told her that if it was a happy noise, I wouldn't mind the volume so much. But it's not happy noise. It's bad noise.

It's not just the kids either. While I'm feeling like every sound wave is ramming itself into the side of my head and I'm sick and tired of their constant at-each-other-ness and zero capabilities of working anything out on their own without shrieking at each other or physically fighting, I must be honest and admit that I add my own voice to the fray.

Cutting words.

Dismissive words.

Screaming.

Swearing.

Often simultaneously.

Children learn what they live.

I know I am incredibly undisciplined in this area. And though the Bible tells us that taming the tongue is impossible (James 3:8), I can tame my heart, or at least allow Jesus to do it for me. And in doing so, it will check my temper, and allow me to respond, rather than react, and at least bring the decibels down a little bit.

Adam and I really sat down a few months ago and tried to work out where our home life all went to pot in this regard.

The answer was so simple.

We moved from a house with a backyard bigger than the block this house is on now.

Our children need to run.

This was proven to such an extent I was nearly blinded by the shattering light bulb above my head, when we took the kids out to a friends property for a birthday party.

They did. not. stop. running.

We arrived there at 3:30. From the minute they were out of the car, they were gone. I didn't see them again. They didn't even come to eat.

This is a big deal.

I called them at seven to tell them it was time to go, thinking I'd need at least a half hour to get them gathered and in the car.

Five minutes later, they were all packed up in the car, not one whine or tear to be seen.

Huh!

Fancy that.

We also realised, Adam and I, that as two introverted parents, with predominately extroverted kids, we do not work well in close environments. We are all up in each others business too much.

There is no where to go and be alone.

The kids share rooms. We don't have one.

Sometimes, we need somewhere to go and have a time out. Sometimes, when Adam comes home, if he calls me, I'll sneak out the front, and when he arrives, we'll just sit in the car for 10 minutes before we brave the pit.

We are standing on Words given that God will provide us with a house. With space, so we can grow.

And that is a good noise.

Would you pass?

2010-07-26T22:58:00.011+09:30

Australian Citizenship Test

The Australian citizenship test has been designed to assist people who want to become Australian citizens gain an understanding of Australia’s values, traditions, history and national symbols.

The test is an important part of ensuring that migrants have the capacity to fully participate in the Australian community as citizens and maximise the opportunities available to them in Australia. It will promote social cohesion and successful integration into the community.

Test Rules

There are some basic rules which you must follow during the test:

- Test is timed - You will be allowed 45 minutes to complete the test (or 90 minutes in the case of an assisted test). No additional time will be made available.

- This is a closed book test - You must not bring any test resource material into the testing centre (this includes note paper, the Becoming an Australian Citizen resource book, study notes, etc).

- Personal belongings may be taken into the test site however these must be stored under the desk for the duration of the test. Mobile phone sand all other electronic /communicationgaming equipment should be switched off while you are within the test centre.

If you do not follow these rules, you may be asked to leave the test centre and may have to sit the test again.

Test Questions

You may begin writing only once you are advised to do so by the test supervisor.

(1) Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the origin, of the term “died in the arse”? Explain the meaning:
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________

(2) What is a “bloody little beauty”?
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________

(3) Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a U-ey? Yes / No

(4) Explain the following passage:

In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a Barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a Barney and a bit of biffo.
___________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________

(5) Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana. If they are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey and Acca Dacca, how many slabs will each person on average consume between flashing a brown eye and taking a slash?
___________________________________________________________

(6) Complete the following sentences:

(a) If the van's rockin' don't bother _____________________________
(b) You're going home in the back of a ___________________________
(c) Fair crack of the ________________________________________

(7) I've had a gutful and I can't be farked. Discuss
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________

(8) Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie? Yes / No

(9) Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard "up on blocks"? Is his name Bruce and does he have a wife called Cheryl? Yes / No

(10) Do you or your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat, cabbage, curry powder and a packet of chicken noodle soup called either chow mein, chop suey or Kai see Ming? Yes / No

(11) What are the ingredients in a rissole?
__________________________________________________________

(12) Describe the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam.
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________

(13) Do you have an Aunty Irene who smokes 30 cigarettes a day and sounds like a bloke? Yes / No

(14) In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a chop and two serves of pav washed down with someone else's beer that has been flogged from a bath full of ice? Yes / No

(15) When you go to a bring-your-own-meat Barbie can you eat other people's meat or are you only allowed to eat your own?
__________________________________________________________

(16) What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter "b" is required by law to be included in a hamburger with the lot?
___________________________________________________________

(17) Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs, an Esky or Ugg boots? Yes / No

(18) Is it possible to prang a car while doing circle work? Yes / No

(19) Who would you like to crack on to?
___________________________________________________________

(20) Who is the most Australian (pick one answer):

(a) Kevin "Bloody" Wilson
(b) John "True Blue" Williamson
(c) Kylie Minogue
(d) Warnie

(21) Is there someone you are only mates with because they own a trailer or have a pool? Yes / No

(22) What do the phrases “sinkin piss at a mates joint” and “gettin paraletic” mean?
___________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________

Please submit this paper back to the test supervisor when you have had a fair crack.

**This was an email sent through to me. I do not know its source.**

Rubber Bands and Emery Boards

2010-07-23T00:59:00.005+09:30

I desperately wanted braces.

I know.

I've always been sensitive about my teeth. I used to have really large gaps in them. My parents always said no, because, aparently, my wisdom teeth would push them together. (ps. it didn't happen) While they have closed up significantly, they are still a sore point with me. Especially when someone I hadn't seen for a decade ran into me and promptly sai "Oh! You've grown into your teeth!"

Hmm. Thanks for that.

I have a ski-jump nose. I'm actually starting to think I have a big nose, but the hubsand is adamant that it was just the angle of the photo. I remember being told once that they didn't like people with up-pointy noses, because it meant they were snobby.

Righty.

When I was in about 8th grade (and for an undisclosed time afterwards) I used to put rubberbands around my top teeth, thinking my home made dental retainer just might help matters.

Somewhere inbetween 8th and 10th grades I became so fed up with peoples jibes about my nose, I thought I'd better do something about it.

So I tried to file it down.

Oh, yes I did.

With an emery board no less.

Wasn't the tweens a fun time?

That was sarcastic, by the way.

What embarassing thing/s did you do out of angst or pride as a teen?

Ernest Boyer, Jr on Belief...

2010-07-21T16:07:00.002+09:30

“God is not a belief to which you give your assent. God becomes a reality whom you know intimately, meet everyday, one whose strength becomes your strength, whose love, your love. Live this life of the presence of God long enough and when someone asks you, “Do you believe there is a God?” you may find yourself answering, “No, I do not believe there is a God. I know there is a God.”

In what way does God make Himself known to You?

I really wish the hose had been on harder

2010-07-13T23:39:00.002+09:30

Week 1.. err... 2... part 1

2010-07-08T21:52:00.010+09:30

When Gitz announced the weekly YOU:create Bloggie doobilacky thingumy whatsit, I knew exactly what I was going to do. It was a project I'd had stashed away for the better part of a year.

What?

Tell me you've not got one of those.

So anyways, today, I went about doing it. And, not out of character with this household, It came not without it's own share of drama and catastrophe.

So. What are we working with today?

This is the top of a little table that I had before the kids destroyed it. Snapped the pedestal right off it. I never threw away the top though, becauseI knew what I wanted to do with it

This is the back...

Ok... involved in this project, is a secret ingredient and the following...

Primer, Turpentine (turps), ivory spraypaint, sandpaper and painters tape.

Oh, and this.

Of course.

So here we have the tabletop all nicely sanded back, to get some of the varnish off so the paint sticks.

And here it is sunbaking after a nice turps rub down.

All primed and ready to go...

And for the record? Old cloth nappies are the BEST drop cloths. Hallelujah and amen.

Next, I had to tape off the middle bit of the table, so I could spray the edges.

Why you ask?

You shall see.

I used some scrap paper I had lying around after priniting off some songs for church on Sunday

Those curves?

TEDIOUS.

I'd complain more, but if you know me, you'd know I was in my element.

Want to know what the song was?

Listen to it HERE. It's my in my heart and soul right now. I'm constantly singing it.

Next came the taping off of the newly painted stuff to paint the inside part.

Oh. my. WORD... this took me so long. It took even longer, since it was about here that the catastrophe happened...

Eli lost my wedding ring.

I'd taken off my rings to paint, and put them in a cup.

You know... safe.

Finally found it after about 45 minutes, in the gutter of my driveway.

Once the ring had been found, I finished taping it all off, and it was time to use the secret ingredient...

I've been meaning to make this into a chalkboard to write a weekly bible verse on to get the kids (and myself) in to the habit of learning scripture by heart.

Is it bad that I'm also hoping to send subliminal messages through it too? My first two will be "how good it is for brothers to live in harmony" and "LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER".

*ahem*

So I sprayed.

And sprayed.

And sprayed.

And look what happened.

See that white bit? It's the paint, coming off in little balls like sand. Only in that darker area you see. And, obviously, where the white is.

I was going to go distressed, but that was for the frame, not the blackboard!

My perfectionism is cringing that I don't have the end product to show, but I'm going to have to sand it all back, and next time, I think I"ll get a tin of paint on chalckboard paint.

NOT a fan of the spray kind.

But you get the idea,

Next week, I'll show the fixer-uppin' of the fixer upper.

Including getting rid of the big smear I did on the ledge there.

Man I was miffed.

STRUGGLES

2010-07-05T11:05:00.002+09:30

I struggle to keep my house clean. Heck, sometimes it's not even sanitary.

I struggle to be a nice person and not yell at my kids in a really mean and even vicious way.

I struggle being a mother.

I struggle to like my three older children sometimes.

I struggle being a wife.

I struggle being a worship leader and not feel like a fraud.

I struggle with rage and outbursts that freak me out.

I struggle to fight off a selfish depression that I could quite easily give into.

I struggle to have close friendships that require me to be truly honest.

I struggle to read my bible.

I struggle to let Jesus really close.

I struggle with the Fruits of the Spirit, and wonder often if I really am saved, or I'd display these much better.

I struggle with sin.

For what I do is not the good I want to do;

no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.

~Romans 7:19~

*Previously posted on my Xanga

FOUR

2010-07-01T14:53:00.009+09:30

Today, my Amy turned 4.

*sigh*

She was so sweet... didn't ask for gifts till we gave them, even though they were in plain sight. She's like that.

When we did give them, it was all delighted shrieks "Are they for me?! OH, THANKOM, Mummy!!"

I stayed up until 2am this morning, looking through her photos.

*sigh*

I remembered that I had posted her birthstory out on my Xanga, so, incase you are inclined that way, here it is... more for me than for anything.

Trust me. Fast births are NO fun.

As one midwife put it, it's 12 hours of labour real quick... so it's actually quite shocking.

Understatement.

Frighteing, even.

With Troy, I laboured 10 hours, (in established labour... I had about 7 of "is this really it?") and as it slowly got more and more painful, you are able to go with the flow and adapt to the way things change and listen to your body. And have time to call for drugs. The twins were induced, took 4 hours from go to whoa, but I was that stoned on gas and I had an epidural that took the edge off, but didn't completley numb, so I can't really say it was a natural experience.

Short labours, you don't have time to breathe. And listening to your body?

HA.

It tells you to shut the hell up, it's working here.

Just so you know, there will be somewhat explicit details. Like poo and stuff. Read at your own discression...

As an aside, we were worried that mum would miss the birth. She was galavanting over Turkey at the time, and Amy was due two days before she was to arrive home. Thankfully, Amy went five days over... not that it mattered in the end, as you'll see.

July 1, 2006

5:30am Woke to go to the toilet, only to notice slight dampness prior to arising. (NB: my waters had never broken by themselves, so this was an entirely new thing for me)
5:35 am Called midwives to see what I should do. They said to wait. Funny that, I hadn't even started to contract yet.
6:00am Contraction #1. It's strong enough for me to know what it was.
6:10 am thru Noon Contractions remain at every ten minutes. They get stronger, but not closer together. This is irritating.
12:30pm My sister takes me to the shopping centre to walk around, and see if that works. It does not. Contractions to the point where I have to stop walking. Still only 10 minutes apart.
4:30pm Crack the shits, and call my friend who has castor oil.
5:30pm Take castor oil. My years of heavy drinking comes into play with the ability to shoot castor oil and imediately chase it down with strong lime cordial. Castor oil tastes terrible. It feels even worse.
6:15pm Head home after lounging around at Sheryn's for a while. Contractions remain at 10 minute intervals, still strong. I now have to stop talking through them. (Note for those who've not had children... if you are more than every three minutes apart, the midwives don't want to know you. You could have days to go. You will be sent home from the hospital if you show up.)
6:30pm Got into a bath
7:00pm Massive contraction. It got my attention.
7:05pm Another one. Okaaaay....
7:08pm Another one. Inform Adam we need to go. Now.
7:09pm Adam calls mum to come get me and take me to the hospital, as he now has to go back to Sheryn's to drop the kids off.
7:15pm Mum arrives at my place. Contractions have stayed at 3 minutes, which gives me the green light to go to hospital without the threat of being sent home.
7:30pm Leave for hospital. The last 15 minutes have been taken up with getting the kids ready, and last minute packing for me.
7:50pm Arrive at hospital. Take ten minutes to walk from car park to the lifts and take lifts up. We were parked all of about 50 metres from the front door. I had to stop twice. And walking hurts by this point.
8:00pm Get to maternity, hop (figuratively) onto the bed.
8:10pm My sister arrives.
8:15pm Inernal. 5cm. Not bad.
8:20pm Attempt to walk the corridor. With one contraction, the body is confused, and does not know if it wants to stop, stand, squat, bend over.... you get the picture. I must have looked interesting... a pregnant woman doing pliés.
8:30pm Adam arrives at hospital. I'm back in the room, and the castor oil kicks in. I need to get to the loo. Just so you know, contracting and needing to defecate at the same time is really painful. You absolutely cannot do both at the same time.
8:40pm My body still has no idea how to get comfortable through contractions (which are smarting a wee tad) and my sister suggest the birth ball, so we give it a go. Meh. couldn't really care one way or the other. I ask for gas. It makes things more manageable.
8:45pm Mum and sister ask the midwife if they have time to go for a smoke. She waves them away, stating heaps of time.
8:47pm Adam reminds me not to wait too long for an epidural if I want one. And we wait out a couple more.
8:50pm Suddenly, my contractions don't even bother waiting in turn, like good, polite, well brought up contractions. I'm getting them on top of each other, a new one starting before the last one finishes. Needless to say, this freaks me out. Adam calls for the midwife. I call for drugs. The midwife informs Adam there is no time. I don't even think there was enough time for Adam to pass on this information, because I don't remember hearing it. Thus, I have entered established labour and transition simultaneously.
8:57pm My waters break. I state the obvious fact, as Adam and the midwife use blankets to mop it up. Adam starts to get worried here, as we have always had a doctor (or five) present with our babies. And this time there's just a midwife. Adam is not sure she'll be able to do it on her own.
8:59pm I feel Amy crown. She is arriving. Posthaste. I still have my knickers on and panic that she will be born in my underwear. Adam and the midwife frantically remove them. At this point, I'm near in hysterics, but too freaked out to actually physically display this, because I'm not even on the bed, nor have I had drugs. Somehow, I've gone from being on the ball to laying face down over the bed, sort of standing, sort of kneeling, screaming (but not really, if you know what I mean. You know that weird noise you make, ladies? Not screaming, but you aren't humming a tune, either. Sort of like a cross between a groan and a scream through gritted teeth) into the mattress.
9:02pm Amy is born. I did not push once. The midwife only just manages to catch her.

Then, basically, my body said to itself "what a totally shocking thing to have happen" and went into shock. It took me a full fourty five minutes to get onto the bed. I simply could not move. Apparently, I couldn't hold my head up, either, because mum had to do it for me. They had to wait to deliver the placenta and everything, because I simply did not have the strength. And then, when I did deliver it, It was like giving birth again... the thing was HUGE!! I actually asked if there was another baby in it. So yeah... I was kind of out of it for the next couple of hours, I got to my room on the ward at about 12, I think, maybe one.

Mum and Jess actually missed the birth. At about 10 past nine, Adam rings mum's mobile and asks "Are you coming back any time soon?" Mum replied she was in the lift on her way back up. Why? "Because you've missed it" Adam replies. I heard the shrieked "WHAT?!" from where I was. There simply was no time to call her. I remember vaguely thinking about her at one point, but my brain couldn't get that thought from my head to my mouth. It was somewhat obsessed with what was going on at the other end of the torso.

So, that's the story of "Bullet" as she was proptly nicknamed by my sister. There are other, less interesting details, like how the midwife tried to shove the baby up the gown for me to hold her against my skin, but I was too out of it already, couldn't move my arms etc... couldn't link two coherant thoughts together except "What the hell is this woman doing?"... how my brother arrived straight after work, still in his chefs jacket, and was absolutely besotted with her, and how my other brother showed up with the most impressive black eye I have ever seen in my life... and how we didn't hear this girl cry for four days. Not one peep.

Then:

Now:

*SIGH*

Welcome!

2010-06-27T16:29:00.005+09:30

Come in, grab a drink, kick your shoes off and make yourself comfortable :)

Pretty, isn't it? I do so love my new place.

I'm still in the middle of some renovations here and there, by it's almost done.

I think I've found my home.

"Home is not where you live, but where they understand you ."

~Christian Morganstern~

GEORGIA

2010-06-25T14:18:00.001+09:30

I absolutely LOVE it when people have no idea what they are giving away.

I love it even more when people have no idea what they are selling.

Yes, I'm an opportunist.

I did a quick circuit of a local op-shop on Wednesday while I was there dropping off some stuff, and there, lying out in the open on a table, was a rag doll.

A Kate Finn rag-doll.

In fact, one very similar to this Kate Finn Rag doll.

Please note the price.

I love these dolls. So beautifully and well made. We purchased a doll for Bethany when she went into hospital to have surgery, and we have another on layby for Amy for Christmas. I'll be ordering one to put aside for Cora when she's older.

I don't think I have ever moved so fast, or litterally snatched something off a table at an op-shop before.

I went to the counter, and heard angels sing.

I had another, good quality dolly (who's dress is easily washed) to give to my girls...

For a dollar.

This is the Song That Never Ends

2010-06-24T01:15:00.003+09:30

Grace

The Never-Ending Story

2010-06-23T12:51:00.007+09:30

Love

Wordless Wednesday

2010-06-23T08:10:00.001+09:30

MONDAY MEANDERINGS DOWN MEMORY LANE ~The Make-up Bag

2010-06-21T23:20:00.001+09:30

When I was small, about 6, I had a makeup bag.

I remember it blue... mainly because Grover and the Cookie Monster were blue, and the fabric it was made out of had Sesame Street characters all over it.

The first thing that comes to mind, as I recall this old friend, is the way it smelled. I loved the smell. Of course, now I realise that it was the distinct aroma of makeup way past it's use by date, but still it permiates lovely to my nostalgia.

If you had opened my make up bag, and reached inside it, you would have removed your hand all covered over in a pinky-brown film... the sides were coated with it, evidence of missing lids.

Had you been brave enough to use the products in there, you would have had choices between blue and green purlescent eyeshaddows (so beautiful), mini, tester sized lipsticks in coral, (so cute!) purple eyeliner and orange blush. You could have used gluggy nail polish, liquid eyeliner with a brush missing half its bristles, or pressed powder to your face using pads with six different shades clearly visible.

I know now that it was where mum put all her old makeup instead of throwing it out, but I didn't care. I had my own 'war paint'... just like my mummy.

I can only imagine what my mother thought when I came down all "pretty" from my bedroom. I can't remember if she would tell me I was beautiful, or if she said nothing. I know she never told me to wash it off. Mum never curbed my creativity. Never stopped me from being a girly... I was very rarely girly in anything else. I hated to wear pink, loathed having my hair brushed, and could play as hard and rough as a boy.

But I loved my makeup bag.

I am not clear on what happened to the tote full of girlish ideas of pretty. I think it was one of the things that "went missing" when we moved interstate.

Strangely, even now that I have fresh makeup in a glass jar; stuff that smells of new attractiveness and glides on effortlessly, I find I still miss the shades from my girlishness. There is no distinct smell that greets me as I draw it from its place in my bathroom.

No longer do I paint and powder and pretend When I am Big. Now, I conceal and curl and contour, trying to recapture lost youth; a way to find and reclaim the girl with her unchallenged conviction that she is beautiful.

~*~

Join me in my meanderings into nostalgia...

What from your childhood do you look back on fondly?

Srsly?

2010-06-18T10:35:00.001+09:30

I turned, um, thirty at the beginning of this year.

I'm ok with it now.

But I've been musing on it. It's a strange age. I'm in a juxtaposition of feeling a bizarre mixture of too old for some things, and not mature enough for others.

I don't feel 30. I still feel 19.

I'm the worship co-ordinator at our church. I'm a mother of six children, and a partner/wife of 13 years. My husband and I own three cars. We pay rent. We have bills. Responsibility.

But I still think it's fun to have sleepovers with girlfriends. I still find farts funny. I'm very rarely serious. Adam and I watch stand up comedians on youtube on a regular basis. I still want to flit all over the globe.

I'm finding it difficult to comprehend that people are actually taking me seriously now. I don't feel that I'm any more mature, really, than I was a decade ago. And yet, I also look at some dreams and yearnings that I have and think that I'm too old for those now. I've wasted time.

Two weekends ago, we had prophets at our church.

Mind. Blowing.

Adam and I were blessed to be prophesied over. I bawled.

One of the parts I have been meditating over has been that we (Adam and I) are called to work with Youth. The Lord spoke to me in such a way that He made me realise in my heart, not just my head, that His timing is perfect.

Joy!

My dreams and yearnings that are still so dear to me, are still God's heart for me. They will happen. I have not wasted years, I have not missed the jump. While I may think that I'm a bit old in years to work with my beloved teenagers, in my heart, I'm still right there with them... but with the added benefit life know-how.

I am not immature... I have a youthful heart.

I am not old... I have a wealth of experience.

ROOM 101

2010-06-12T14:14:00.001+09:30

Not the scary one... the funny one.

Adam and I only discovered this hillarious show this morning, and its premise is that "celebrities were invited to discuss their pet hates and persuade the host to consign them to a fate worse than death in Room 101"

A few of the things we came across were the 80's, Disney, Chris deBurgh, short people and Mendelevium.

I asked Adam what would be on his list, and after some thought he came up with

social media (like, the people who have a twitter, fb, blog(s), myspace, linkedin, jabber blah blah blah)
p0rn
curling
Steriotypical Americans (of which we know none. Just so you know.)

The show gives the guests 5 things, but Adam had to go to work.

I don't have many things that I have a total abhorance for, but I think my selections would be (keeping in mind that you need to be able to joke about it, so human trafficking and childhood cancer is out):

Spiders
Prosti-tots (you know, the 12 year old little girls dressed like streetwalkers)
Brussels Sprouts
Crocs
Cameron Diaz

What about you? I'd love to see the things that you would cast into the room.

TOW-MAY-TOE/ TOM-ART-OH

2010-06-11T15:47:00.001+09:30

I was watching this hillariousness, and it struck me that there are lots of words that we Australians pronounce 'funny' to Americans.

Like, for example, daughter. We say Daw-da. You say Dah-ter

Or, route. We say root, you say r-ow-t.

We call ourselves Ozzies... you mispronounce it Ossies

We Aussies speak in "text" as one of my favourite comedians puts it. A service station is a "servo", car registration is "rego", a barbeque is a "barbie" and so on and so forth.

A few people have asked for a video of me (and Adam) talking. We're working on it. For some reason, our computer has dumped the web-cam, so we have to get a camcorder and a tripod.

Good thing tax time is only a couple of months away.

But we will, I promise.

So... what would you like to hear us say? What about us would you like to know? It could be anything funny, real, stupid, serious, whatever... I'll write it all down and we'll discuss it all for your viewing pleasure and, I'm sure, amusement.

We'll attempt to deliver.

We're really silly though.

Consider youreslves forewarned.

FOR MY SIXTH, AT TEN WEEKS

2010-06-09T23:18:00.001+09:30

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,

Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).

The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo

But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

~ Ruth Hulbert Hamilton "Song for a Fift Child"~

BRONZE, POTTERY, LINEN & CLEMANTIS

2010-06-07T13:36:00.001+09:30

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose,

topaz or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,

and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:

I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving
but this, in which there is no I or you,

so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

~Pablo Neruda ... Sonnet 17~

Happy 8th Wedding anniversary, my love.

You're still the only one that feels like home.

RED NOSE DAY

2010-06-04T09:57:00.001+09:30

As a mother, there is nothing that petrifies me more than S.I.D.S

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Just writing it hurts my heart.

When I was 7, the reverend of our church and his wife, dear friends of my parents, lost their 9 1/2 week old son, James, to S.I.D.S.

It was heartbreaking.

James himself I don't remember, thought I'm sure I met him. You don't think to memorise babies "just in case".

But.

I remember the screaming silence of their house. I remember the "Please do not Disturb" sign on their front door. I remember my mother, devastated... she had loaned them the bassinette James was sleeping in.

I remember Alice... their three year old daughter. So very blonde...

And I remember when Elizabeth was born afterwards... and the machines they had hooked up to her cot that would go off if she didn't draw breath for a certain time frame. I remember the heaviness of unmentioned fear.

Paul Arnott, four years after the death of his only son James, wrote a book to help other parents who have to walk this horrific time. It sits on my bookshelf... a constant reminder of this dear little boy my family knew.

Two decades later, I heard about Angie's nephew Luke, who died at 10 weeks... only 7 weeks after sweet Audrey went to Jesus.

I hate how there is no human reason for these children to die. They just do. And it terrifies me.

Everyday, when I head to the cradle of my babe, I have to ignore the niggle of maybe this time. I know I and my children are not immune to the possibility.

No child is.

And that's why it sucks.

And that is also why there are foundations that are raising money to fund research.

Here in Australia, it's Sids and Kids. Since their conception, and the way they have raised awareness to certain contributing factors to 'cot death', the number of deaths has plummeted.

Awesome.

Their main way of raising money for this research is Red Nose Day. Every year, the last Friday in June is the day you go around looking like a dork with a clown nose on your face. Or on your car. Or, even, as they did a couple of years ago, on your house.

I am not making this up.

Since I don't leave my house very much, I chose not to buy a red nose. However, for the last three years, I have purchased magnets for my car, write James' and Luke's names on them, and leave them on my car all year. By the time the next June rolls around it's just in time... by then they have faded completely :)

It's becoming a tradition for us as a family... the yearly swapping of the noses, explaining again why sometimes babies die, but this is how we remember them and taking photos.

I like it.

For information on agencies and foundations in your area that work in the field of infant death research, click HERE.

SHINER

2010-06-02T18:04:00.001+09:30

Eli came a-croppa two nights ago, taking a spectacular stage dive off the couch and landing face first onto a small chest of drawers. Of course, like the good, concered parent I am, I made sure I'd cuddled him and made sure his eye still worked etc etc...

And then tried to get photos, because it had already come up bruised, the foretaste of a wikid black eye.

Adam thought it sick, but I know you all know better.

Anyway, we here round these parts know how hard it is to get Eli to sit still for anything. Especially photos.

So today, two days after he did it, I finally decided to hold him down.

This is the best of two seperate attempts.

Please notice the strategy of Food as Bribery.

Please do not notice the self art.

Then, I had a stroke of genius.

I strapped him into his car seat.

It still took about eleventy three photos to get this one.

I'd say this is the first of many...

But it isn't.

He's already had at least 3.

Prayer Chain

2010-05-28T09:01:00.001+09:30

At our church (and most likely yours) we have a "Prayer Chain", a phonecall based ministry that works on the premiss of "get prayer request, pray, then call the next person on the list to do the same".

At the present moment, the blogland twitterverse has been called to prayer action for a friend of a friend. Crystal Renaud, founder of Dirty Girls Ministries has asked for prayer for her friend Amy... a 24 year old dancer who suffered a severe stroke last Sunday.

She writes:

On Sunday, May 23, Amy Wooddell suffered a stroke and underwent 7.5 hours of surgery to remove the clotting in her basil artery. Additionally they found that her right vertebral artery was torn and was repaired with a stint. She awoke responsive and could even whisper her own name. However, a few hours later her brain began to bleed resulting in an emergency procedure to relieve inner cranial pressure. On Monday, May 24 she was comatose with brain function of only 3 (normal is 15) and it was uncertain that she would survive.

But she did.

On Tuesday, May 25, Amy was considered in stable condition and brain activity began to increase (between 5-7) but was still in and out of consciousness. Inner-cranial pressure had dropped from high 20s on Sunday night down to 1 on Tuesday night. She is responding through blinking (made direct eye contact with Jonny (her husband) on Tuesday night and on Wednesday morning blinked 5 times in response to “Amy, blink a bunch of times if you want Jonny to buy you lots of diamonds” and 3 times for “I love you”). And she is now breathing on her own 8 out of 18 breaths a minute.

But she’s been unable to move her limbs. A recent MRA is showing some blood in near her brain stem which is hindering motor skill movement.

Amy is only 24 years old and has been married to Jonny for 4 months. She is also an accomplished dancer.

While we are seeing God’s healing touch on Amy, we know she has a long ways to go and any permanent damage is still unknown. We are asking for your prayers for Amy’s complete healing.

More information can be found HERE or by following her husband’s updates on twitter.

Blank

2010-05-27T10:21:00.001+09:30

Well, not really. Lots of thoughts and ideas, but no way of knowing if I'll be able to write them down coherently. I may have to write some drafts first.

I don't really want this to be another "mom blog". I want people to know me, the way I think, the way I feel, the way I over analyze, how I can pick one word out of a bible verse and wonder why they used that one, because it makes it so much deeper... I want to be authentic, I want this place to be somewhere people enjoy being, I want it to be fun and light-hearted, but with depth...

I want people to know God resides here.

And yet, I don't know exactly how. I read some amazing blogs. People who write beautifully. Some people are side splittingly funny. Some make me think. Others make me cry every time. Some people do all of the above.

Who am I in this online community?

I have the upside of being, essentially, a foreigner... in that most people who I read are American. I use words that make them scratch their heads, I sound funny and eat weird food combinations. So there's that, but is it enough?

Where do I fit? What does my voice sound like here? What's my niche? Would staying as random and flit about-y as I am naturally work in blogland, or do I need to have a cohesive and coherent platform?

(Anyone else have "free to be me" running in their head about now?)

And of course, now I'm second guessing myself, and whether I just sound like an attention junkie. Why am I even blogging?

Because I love the people here. Truly. And I want to be a part of the awesome things I know God has planned for everyone involved. If there is anything that excites me to the point of wanting to jump out of my skin, it's the thought of what we here in the blogland twitterverse have coming up in the next few years. What is our God up to?? It seems that all of a sudden, without my even trying, in the last few months, I have come across, and fallen into relationship with some of the most amazing, authentic, God honouring, exciting, anointed, world shaking history makers, and I feel something shifting, moving, and preparing.

I want to be a part of it.

But it feels just out of my reach, because I just don't know what my part in it is.

I don't want to miss out.

I Love a Sunburnt Country...

2010-05-25T08:54:00.001+09:30

Photo credits: My friend Renee Orr (unless otherwise noted)

A land of sweeping plains...

Of ragged mountain ranges...

Of droughts and flooding rains.

Photo Credit: Australian Archives

Photo Credit: Brad Fleet

I love her far horizons...

I love her jewel-sea...

Photo mine

Her beauty and her terror...

Photo mine

The wide brown land for me!

(Stanza 2 of "My Country" by Dorothea McKellar)

Eli...

2010-05-24T10:41:00.001+09:30

Never sits still.

Ever.

He has attitude.

He is determined.

He's silly.

Into everything.

But sometimes, he'll stop, give you attention

(I get a kiss every morning)

And then, sometimes, as an added bonus, he'll give me...

...this

to keep forever.

My Kid is Awesome.

2010-05-20T10:28:00.001+09:30

Adam started Operation: Skinny-Up on Monday, and yesterday was his first work out session with my brother, who is a trained PT for the Navy.

He's a bit buff.

Adam called me on the way home and said three words

"He's a bastard."

Anyway, he got home and went promptly to the shower, sitting down in it with the stream of water flowing over him.

Eli, thinking that Daddy was having a bath, figured he wasn't doing it right, after seeing me have a few, and bought him a book.

How is that for awesomesauce?

Brown Paper Packages Tied Up With String...

2010-05-19T17:02:00.001+09:30

These...

Are now on their way here, wrapped in love & frindship.

"Time or distance cannot touch

the friendships of the heart"

~Anon

This, that and the other...

2010-05-18T11:31:00.001+09:30

I have no idea what was up with Blogger yesterday, but every time I tried to fix the spacing it got worse. Hopefully today will be better.

I was wondering... you know how over there on the left under that dapper and debonair photo of The Hubsand are external links to my Xanga from when I wrote out the A Thousand Times thingie I did?

Well, what would you say to me transferring it all over to here, much the same way? Once a month, there'd bee 100 things listed. I'd do it all in one hit, but for some reason, I can't copy/paste here, and it takes a.long.time. to write them all out :)

Just a thought. Would you be interested?

Also, I'm going to start a Aussie-ism Thesaurus type thing up, if I can decide which is the best way to do it. Should I, once a week cover a word, a phrase and a behaviour and put them under a category, or should I just keep adding to a single page in alphabetical order? What do you think?

I pick my camera up in a fortnight (two weeks, for the un-colonial) so I'll be able to take UP TO DATE!! pictures of The Multitude, and even show you a little of where I live. I love where I live. It's prettiful, in a rugged sort of way.

Adam began his new diet/workout It's-Time-To-Get-Skinny regime today. He's attempted this many times in the past, but this time, I truly believe he's serious about it. He's excited. He sat down with my brother, who is a P.T for the Navy and worked out (ha! get it?!) an exercise plan that will not only produce results quickly, but not over do it and cause problems which will set him back. Stress fractures are a high possibility for Adam at the moment if he does too much all at once, so I'm glad Rob is taking that into consideration. The last thing we need is for Adam to lose heart this time.

I've been having fun buying up new t-shirts for Adam to wear once he has lost his weight. He likes the cartoon ones, so it's been so fun trying to find ones that suit his personality, and in-joke status for us. So far, I've found Monty Python, Seseme Street, The Muppets, Transformers... all I need is Astro Boy and Smurfs.

Ummm.... this is just a brain dump post, can you tell?

My baby is adorable.

My twoandahalf year old is seriously pushing boundaries.

My oh-so-nearly 4 year old is beautiful... but becoming increasingly shrill in direct response to the twoandahalf year old.

My 7.2 year old is recovering well from surgery, even if it does sound like someone is pinching her nose when she talks.

My 7.1 year old is AT.I.TUDE.

My just-about 10 year old is hormonal and everything that goes along with it.

I need to tidy bedrooms and clean the bathroom.

I'll be more interesting tomorrow.

The Party That Never Quits

Straya Day

Mowing, mostly.

Saying YES, again.

Like honey

Hello, again, hello

Swing, swing

So, uh, what do we do now?

Afterwards

Sara

We're Moving

5...

My Husband has been complaining.

Brought to you by the letter "P"

When Seasons Change

A week of statuses...

The last few weeks worth of party stories

Memorium

decaffeinated

Vernacular

Tuckered

Procrastination

365 days... and nearly as many photos

Colour

Limping through

I feel the most loved when...

Pictorial Gratitude

When I look in the mirror, I see...

Gratitude... birthday edition

THIS is starving

One after Another

Forced hiatus

Slate

A Jonah Day

Five-Minute Friday

When Gratitude Comes Easy

The first Yes

When Clouds Brought Rain... o my soul

When Waters Rise... o my soul

The happy...

Why I'm saying "YES"

YOU:create *flashback* ~Folk Art

Overheard This week

The Little Things

My Word

2011

Cleansing

Library

Observations of Lifestyle, North vs South... Aussie style

What is left over...

Laid back Yobbos

Please hear what I'm not saying

He Said She Heard

So not with the gushy crowd

Bloggy-twitterverse Interwebs

Draft Dump

Back in 5...

The Shopping List

Ok, the vanity wins

I'd rather be a Tax Collector than a Pharisee.

I'll learn one day

CHAOS and Sabbath

YOU:create {chalkboard ~take 2}

This, That and the Other

You:create {embroidery}

The Never-Ending Story

Marriage Verse

Discuss...

In the Midst of Them

Meh.

Almost traded in

O Death... you have a sting today

Good Noise vs Bad Noise

Would you pass?

Rubber Bands and Emery Boards

Ernest Boyer, Jr on Belief...

I really wish the hose had been on harder

Week 1.. err... 2... part 1

STRUGGLES

FOUR

YOU:create flashback ~Folk Art