The Party That Never Quits

I've been away in Sydney for the Colour conference.

I love it so.

My heart is full. It is expanded, it is broken, it is renewed. I can't explain it, so I won't even try.

The speakers this year were amazing. Jeanne Mayo was hilarious, and so, so poignant; I have no words for Craig Groeschel except he has two new hard core fans in this house, and Lisa Bevere... oh my word. I love her so. Go out and buy Lioness Arising. All women should read it.

I am so grateful that I am able to go to this conference every year. So blessed that Adam takes vacation time off work to watch the kidlets for me.

There were something like 35 countries represented at Colour this year. So I encourage all women to go... save up, get your church to sponsor you, whatever it takes. Get there. Here is the link to register for next years conference... Beth Moore and Priscilla Shirer will be there!!! I nearly died when I found out.  Also on that page is one of the sessions from Conference2 (I got to Conference 1), so you can see just what is in store for you when you come!

I'm already registered for next year, and I would love to see some others there! Since I register with a group, let me know if you decide to come along, and I'll let you know how to do that so we can sit together. Coz that's half the fun :)

Oh, and you'll get to see things like this...


I know I need to catch up with my 1000 gift posts... My computer blinked out on me again, then I went away. So now I'm home, I have been compiling 3 weeks worth. I did have one ready to go the week I went away, but it can wait until then :)

While I'm in the middle of packing, I've been very ruthless with myself.

Do I love it?
Do I use it?

I don't know where I first heard it, but this is the mantra I'm using:

"Keep only that which you know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful"

If the answer is no to either of those guidelines, it goes.

I want to start fresh, clean and without overwhelming amounts of stuff.

I've tossed a bunch of stuff, well... donated it... but still there is more. All the little things that never really found a home in the last 2.5 years are still homeless and lying around, and I don't know how to pack them.

I refuse to have a MISC CRAP box this time.

So, while I was sorting and purging and packing and washing and donating, I noticed the first twinges of awareness come back to me after a long time without any...

Thankyou, Lord that I actually have belongings to pack
Thank you, Lord that I have too much.
Thank you, Lord, that even when I give a lot away, I still have so much..
Thankyou, Lord that in all honesty, I lack for nothing.

I say I trust God with all things.

I say that I have faith.

I say that I'm so laid back because I know God's in control.

LIES!!! ALL LIES!!! *grin*

Seriously. A couple of things popped up financially the last couple of days that came with only a slight sense of panic.

Want to know the first thing I did?

I started to look for ways to find the money myself.

Well, after I prayed though. Of course, you actually have to do something to help God, you know.

That was sarcastic.

So, after attempting to extend our credit cards, (declined) finding new ones to give us money, (declined) considering a personal loan and hacking a way at our telecommunications budget...

I saved, approximately... $150 a month. But only if I could find $300 to buy us out of my phone contract. Not exactly extraordinary, and nothing that would help us now. You know... when we need it.

I didn't exactly have a melt down, but I wondered again what was going to happen. I don't know why, because every single time this has happened God has always come through.

Why do I doubt? When he has proved Himself over and over to be faithful to provide, why do I keep thinking "perhaps this time He won't"?

I mean, sure. There have been times when we've had to cop the lesson due to our own poor choices and drag ourselves out of whatever mess we've gotten ourselves into. But He's never left us high and dry. When we have been down to an empty bank account from paying off bills and still 4 days left until payday and not enough food, people have popped money in the offering for us. Or we find a random stash of change. Or someone rings us offering a meal. Whatever. We are never left hungry or homeless.

Case in point.

In the housing climate here, we weren't sure we'd be able to afford to rent a house when mum gets back from England in twenty six days (!!! SQUEE !!!). We prayed. We went looking. Not a lot... but nothing really stood out. We got a word from a visiting prophet that God would supply us a house for our ministry God is leading us into. Barely managed to contain a cheer. We went home and wrote a list. Then we prayed over it. And left it. About a week later, we get an email from an old friend saying they had a friend with a house blah blah blah.

The house checked every box but one. Seriously. Down to the rent amount, room number... a loft! The only box it didn't check was a laundry room. It has an external laundry which I can live with. I'll find the list, and I'll post it tomorrow.

God always comes through.

And yesterday, He did it again.

Adam realised that he has not been paid correctly since July. $300 a fortnight, to be exact.

We're getting a lump sum back pay :) And the extra per week will help oh, you know, a little bit.

And I'm pretty sure God was smiling, all pleased with Himself.

I know I heard Him whisper to my heart all smilingly "See? Trust me. Just another lesson, dearest. Learn it this time? as much as I love revealing Myself to you...

It's getting old for Me, too."

Click the picture to be directed to Compassion's Guatemala page and sponsor a heart-child

(I called them heart children because that's what I call Delmar. When I clicked on the link to make sure it worked, I realised that if a child has a heart on their profile picture, it means they have been waiting over 6 months for a sponsor.
So please... do consider a heart child, in more ways than one)

As a mother, there is nothing that petrifies me more than S.I.D.S

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Just writing it hurts my heart.

When I was 7, the reverend of our church and his wife, dear friends of my parents, lost their 9 1/2 week old son, James, to S.I.D.S.

It was heartbreaking.

James himself I don't remember, thought I'm sure I met him. You don't think to memorise babies "just in case".

But.

I remember the screaming silence of their house. I remember the "Please do not Disturb" sign on their front door. I remember my mother, devastated... she had loaned them the bassinette James was sleeping in.

I remember Alice... their three year old daughter. So very blonde...

And I remember when Elizabeth was born afterwards... and the machines they had hooked up to her cot that would go off if she didn't draw breath for a certain time frame. I remember the heaviness of unmentioned fear.

Paul Arnott, four years after the death of his only son James, wrote a book to help other parents who have to walk this horrific time. It sits on my bookshelf... a constant reminder of this dear little boy my family knew.

Two decades later, I heard about Angie's nephew Luke, who died at 10 weeks... only 7 weeks after sweet Audrey went to Jesus.

I hate how there is no human reason for these children to die. They just do. And it terrifies me.

Everyday, when I head to the cradle of my babe, I have to ignore the niggle of maybe this time. I know I and my children are not immune to the possibility.

No child is.

And that's why it sucks.

And that is also why there are foundations that are raising money to fund research.

Here in Australia, it's Sids and Kids. Since their conception, and the way they have raised awareness to certain contributing factors to 'cot death', the number of deaths has plummeted.

Awesome.

Their main way of raising money for this research is Red Nose Day. Every year, the last Friday in June is the day you go around looking like a dork with a clown nose on your face. Or on your car. Or, even, as they did a couple of years ago, on your house.

I am not making this up.

Since I don't leave my house very much, I chose not to buy a red nose. However, for the last three years, I have purchased magnets for my car, write James' and Luke's names on them, and leave them on my car all year. By the time the next June rolls around it's just in time... by then they have faded completely :)

It's becoming a tradition for us as a family... the yearly swapping of the noses, explaining again why sometimes babies die, but this is how we remember them and taking photos.


I like it.

You may see over there on the left under the picture of Adam, there is a list of numbered links.

2 years ago, I embarked on a little endeavour I entitled "A Thousand Times, I Love You".

It started out innocently enough. For Valentines day, I wrote a list of 100 things I loved about Adam. He was so chuffed about it, that I decided to do it again. And from there, it morphed. I figured out that if I wrote 100 things every month until his 30th birthday, I would reach 1,000 individual things.

It was THE best year of our marriage to date.

Amazing what a little positive thinking will do.

I've started making Adam a book of his, using blurb.com, but then my scanner died, and I couldn't save any more photos, then our computer crashed... blah blah blah. Needless to say, it still sits there forlornly, waiting my attention.

I want very much to re post the lists here on blogger, but for some reason, it won't let me copy/paste. So for now, you can read them if you click the links.

Anyway, all this to say that, as you may or may not have gathered, I've struggled with liking my kids the last year or two. The three eldest all have learning delays, and all our frustration levels have peaked. Moving into a house half the size we were in with zero back yard has worn all of our nerves to threads.

I'm thinking I need to think positively about my kids for a while. I'm going to post a list of 100 individual things I love about each child once a month on Mondays and Fridays, just to fit them all in.

Of course, today is a Monday, so I might start tomorrow ;)

All I'm going to need for this project, is a notebook and a pen. New thoughts always struck me about Adam when I was driving, or otherwise occupied.

I have learned.

And you never know. My redirected attitude and focus might just be the making of them.

Or me.