The Party That Never Quits

While I'm in the middle of packing, I've been very ruthless with myself.

Do I love it?
Do I use it?

I don't know where I first heard it, but this is the mantra I'm using:

"Keep only that which you know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful"

If the answer is no to either of those guidelines, it goes.

I want to start fresh, clean and without overwhelming amounts of stuff.

I've tossed a bunch of stuff, well... donated it... but still there is more. All the little things that never really found a home in the last 2.5 years are still homeless and lying around, and I don't know how to pack them.

I refuse to have a MISC CRAP box this time.

So, while I was sorting and purging and packing and washing and donating, I noticed the first twinges of awareness come back to me after a long time without any...

Thankyou, Lord that I actually have belongings to pack
Thank you, Lord that I have too much.
Thank you, Lord, that even when I give a lot away, I still have so much..
Thankyou, Lord that in all honesty, I lack for nothing.

Some days, all I can manage to pray is

"Be with me, Jesus"

And often, I don't even have the strength to create sound. Some days it's mouthed, others it's a whisper inside my head.

I am tempted to see this as a failing. That my prayers aren't beautiful prose, that they aren't sprinkled with verses and the promises of God.

But always, this story comes to mind:

"Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.'

"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'

~Luke 18:10-13

God would much rather hear my hearfelt 4 word prayer than any long winded thing I spew out because it makes me look holy and sanctified, and satisfies some part of me that says I've just done it 'right'.

My little prayer carries many answers, and I hear them being softly whispered to me as I pray my desperate petition;

"I will never leave you or forsake you..."

"I am with you always..."

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."..."

"I carry you, weary mother..."


It is such a comfort to know that whenever I manage to muster up this cry

"...God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer. Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!"

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.