My heart is full. It is expanded, it is broken, it is renewed. I can't explain it, so I won't even try.
The speakers this year were amazing. Jeanne Mayo was hilarious, and so, so poignant; I have no words for Craig Groeschel except he has two new hard core fans in this house, and Lisa Bevere... oh my word. I love her so. Go out and buy Lioness Arising. All women should read it.
I am so grateful that I am able to go to this conference every year. So blessed that Adam takes vacation time off work to watch the kidlets for me.
There were something like 35 countries represented at Colour this year. So I encourage all women to go... save up, get your church to sponsor you, whatever it takes. Get there. Here is the link to register for next years conference... Beth Moore and Priscilla Shirer will be there!!! I nearly died when I found out. Also on that page is one of the sessions from Conference2 (I got to Conference 1), so you can see just what is in store for you when you come!
I'm already registered for next year, and I would love to see some others there! Since I register with a group, let me know if you decide to come along, and I'll let you know how to do that so we can sit together. Coz that's half the fun :)
Oh, and you'll get to see things like this...
Clockwise from top: The Sydney Harbour Bridge and The Sydney Opera House; Luna Park entry; Massive ferris wheel.
I know I need to catch up with my 1000 gift posts... My computer blinked out on me again, then I went away. So now I'm home, I have been compiling 3 weeks worth. I did have one ready to go the week I went away, but it can wait until then :)
I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of droughts and flooding rains.
That is the second stanza from Dorothea MacKellars famous poem "My Country". It is, quite easily, one of the most known four lines in our country, perhaps second only to the opening lines of "The Man From Snowy River"
The vast majority of Australia has been in the midst of drought for many, many years and on very strict water restrictions.
In March last year, some good rains came.
It was wonderful, and we rejoiced.
In December, it rained some more. The catchments were full. We were delighted!
But this time, the rain didn't stop.
It's been raining in Queensland continuously for about a month. At the moment, there are recordings of 4" per hour.
The parched ground hasn't been able to absorb the rain quickly enough, and the south east of Queensland, an area the size of France and Germany combined, is now under water.
Last night, Toowoomba, a town with no river, was hit with an "inland tsunami"
8 people died. Including a woman and her child, who couldn't get out of their car before it was swept away.
In total, 15 people are dead (as at Jan 10), and there are 72 people missing in Queensland.
The floods began in Rockhampton, and have since claimed 22 towns (at last count) and affected approximately 20 thousand people. The damage is reported to be in the AUbillions. 3 hundred roads have been closed, including 9 major highways.
Brisbane (state capital) and surrounding areas have started to be evacuated.
To give you an idea just how catastrophic these floods are, I found a couple of inset maps and then I drew on them*...
Click to enlarge
Click to enlarge
It really is horrific.
Please pray for our country.
The LORD sits enthroned over the flood;
the LORD is enthroned as King forever.
Psalm 29:10
* Please excuse my spelling of "affected" TWICE... I was having a hard enough time writing with that jolly thing as it was
When we knew we had to start looking for a house, we knew we needed at a minimum, 4 bedrooms. Troy does not share well, and he needs a place where he can go and chill out and calm down before facing the world again.
We had a word from a visiting prophet back in June that the lord would provide a house for us that was exactly what we needed.
I'm pretty sure I've said this before, but I can't be bothered to go and find it.
Anyways, we wrote a list for what we would like in a house. Nothing really extravagant, really, considering we are going to have something like 5 teenagers at any one time, and teenagers invariably come with friends.
The house that we have been approved for to move to for the next year checks enough of the boxes for us to know that this is good for now, but not enough for us to be convinced that the house is still to eventuate.
I found the list in my prayer journal while I was tidying (!!) up today, while I was packing, and I thought I might post it here.
Again, I think I said I'd do this.
So. We prayed, in faith, for:
* 5-6 bedrooms (for office/guest room & a music room also) X It has 4 * A big yard or block a 4 acres is plenty big enough :) * Shed/man cave a It's a three car garage * Separate lounge/family room X But the master bedroom is big enough to have a small sitting room * Be close enough for on call. a Just. * A large, in ground pool a 8X4m * Good neighbours with appropriate friends for kids - Not sure yet. * Big, open plan kitchen a I can move the island bench around :) * Airconditioning throughout a * En suite a * Private a we have 1 neighbour, and their house is a paddock away from ours. the next closest is the people across the road. Well, and the land lady, who lives in a flat on the property, but that doesn't count :) * Girls and boys bathrooms X * Entertainment area a Huge verandahs * Formal dining X It's open plan... ie, living/dining/kitchen in one room * No snakes or dingoes a & X They don't have dingoes, but they do have snakes that come for the chickens. Nothing prayer can't fix! * Good climbing trees a * Walk in robes a & X There is a walk in robe to the master. The kids don't have cupboards at all * Walk in pantry X I was a little concerned about the lack of cupboard space in the kitchen * Big laundry room X The laundry is situated outside on the verandah, which I hate. * Storage a It has a loft! I was so stoked. It was a little thing that I wanted, but I didn't actually write down. God likes me a little bit :) * Fully tiled a (I hate carpet up here. It makes everything so hot.
So, there it is. And out of 21 requests, with this house, we got 14 :)
I'm so thankful God hears us. At the moment, we are just crazy excited to be getting out of this wee place. We know this new place is just a stepping stone.
"Be with me, Jesus" And often, I don't even have the strength to create sound. Some days it's mouthed, others it's a whisper inside my head.
I am tempted to see this as a failing. That my prayers aren't beautiful prose, that they aren't sprinkled with verses and the promises of God.
But always, this story comes to mind:
"Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.'
"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'
~Luke 18:10-13
God would much rather hear my hearfelt 4 word prayer than any long winded thing I spew out because it makes me look holy and sanctified, and satisfies some part of me that says I've just done it 'right'.
My little prayer carries many answers, and I hear them being softly whispered to me as I pray my desperate petition;
I say that I'm so laid back because I know God's in control.
LIES!!! ALL LIES!!! *grin*
Seriously. A couple of things popped up financially the last couple of days that came with only a slight sense of panic.
Want to know the first thing I did?
I started to look for ways to find the money myself.
Well, after I prayed though. Of course, you actually have to do something to help God, you know.
That was sarcastic.
So, after attempting to extend our credit cards, (declined) finding new ones to give us money, (declined) considering a personal loan and hacking a way at our telecommunications budget...
I saved, approximately... $150 a month. But only if I could find $300 to buy us out of my phone contract. Not exactly extraordinary, and nothing that would help us now. You know... when we need it.
I didn't exactly have a melt down, but I wondered again what was going to happen. I don't know why, because every single time this has happened God has always come through.
Why do I doubt? When he has proved Himself over and over to be faithful to provide, why do I keep thinking "perhaps this time He won't"?
I mean, sure. There have been times when we've had to cop the lesson due to our own poor choices and drag ourselves out of whatever mess we've gotten ourselves into. But He's never left us high and dry. When we have been down to an empty bank account from paying off bills and still 4 days left until payday and not enough food, people have popped money in the offering for us. Or we find a random stash of change. Or someone rings us offering a meal. Whatever. We are never left hungry or homeless.
Case in point.
In the housing climate here, we weren't sure we'd be able to afford to rent a house when mum gets back from England in twenty six days (!!! SQUEE !!!). We prayed. We went looking. Not a lot... but nothing really stood out. We got a word from a visiting prophet that God would supply us a house for our ministry God is leading us into. Barely managed to contain a cheer. We went home and wrote a list. Then we prayed over it. And left it. About a week later, we get an email from an old friend saying they had a friend with a house blah blah blah.
The house checked every box but one. Seriously. Down to the rent amount, room number... a loft! The only box it didn't check was a laundry room. It has an external laundry which I can live with. I'll find the list, and I'll post it tomorrow.
God always comes through.
And yesterday, He did it again.
Adam realised that he has not been paid correctly since July. $300 a fortnight, to be exact.
We're getting a lump sum back pay :) And the extra per week will help oh, you know, a little bit.
And I'm pretty sure God was smiling, all pleased with Himself.
I know I heard Him whisper to my heart all smilingly "See? Trust me. Just another lesson, dearest. Learn it this time? as much as I love revealing Myself to you...
The new book for the Bloom Book club has been announced, and I can't wait to read it.
Angie and Jess said it their video release (that sounds so cool) that author Wayne Muller gives practical ways of creating a Sabbath. I hope so. I've found a lot of these book tend to be aimed at mothers that already have life pretty well together, and I, well... I sodon't.
Our pastor is doing a series at church at the moment called "Servants & Stewards".
On Sunday, he said something like (because i didn't have a pen... or a notebook for that matter, I'll paraphrase)
"Quite often, we don't see growth in one area, because we don't have another area in order"
Cue conscience prick.
I struggle very, very much with keeping a tidy home. I wish it to be a warm, restful, calm haven for my husband and family, but long ingrained requirements and definitions of clean and tidy make the task seem overwhelming.
And a symptom of said CHAOS, is I don't feel I deserve a Sabbath.
I struggle to justify doing anything when so much is needed to be done in my home. I felt guilty the entire time I was sewing the other week. I have stacks of patterns I need to make up, but won't let myself, because I feel I don't deserve it. I don't go on outings with the children, because the time would be better spent tidying up the brothel I call a kitchen.
I don't have quiet time, I don't work out, I don't shower (hows that for honesty) because I feel that I'm being selfish to take time for me when that is time I should be using to clean.
Shitty thing about it, is that time I'm "saving" I don't actually do anything with, because I'm so intimidated by the sheer mountain of stuff that needs to be done. I hate only half doing things, so when I clean, it ALL must be done. And if I can't get it all done in my allotted time, then I won't even begin.
It's a vicious cycle.
If we're going to be brutally honest here, there are to major sins I see outworking in this area of my life.
Pride and Laziness
The way the pride comes into it is almost backwards. I want to have a clean house so it makes me look good. If I can't, then why bother?
Control issues, much?
Laziness... apathy... meh.
Meh.
That's my attitude most days. It's a constant fight in my head. I wake up wanting desperately to get into it and just get it done already. And then the kids will fight as they are waking up.
Meh.
I walk out to try and figure out breakfast, only to be confronted with every dish in the sink, dirty.
Meh.
The clothes I managed to wash last night when I did the uniforms have been dumped out of the dryer all over the floor.
Meh.
But it's not just meh. That's how I cope. Inside, I'm angry and guilty and feeling like a failure on so many levels it's not funny.
I'm thinking it's just going to take a concerted effort to overcome this battle I have in my mind... and my heart. I'm going to have to start making small changes, start new habits. Change my mindset.
Begin.
Do you have any tips that work for you to keep your house under controll?
Come over to Bloom's new home and join us in pulling this book to bits, then sticking it all back together so it impacts our lives in practical ways.
You know how you can go through the Bible and take the day and month of your birthday and find "your" verse?
I decided to try it for our wedding anniversary... 7/6 (that's June 7th for you northern hemespherians. We do it day-month, not month-day down here)
I wanted a nice one obviously, so I discarded the ones that spoke about descendents being slaves and mistreated (Acts), four headed winged beasts (Daniel), honouring lips but distant hearts (Mark [though convicting]), deceit by friends (Obadiah) and shocking family relations (Micah). And forget a bout Job. Miserable man.
I kid, I kid.
There were a couple which made me stop and think... are they apt for us?
Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet (Matthew)
And when you were eating and drinking, were you not just feasting for yourselves? (Zechariah)
There was a cute one...
How beautiful you are and how pleasing o love, with your delights (Song of Songs)
In the end, I setled on two that I wanted to speak out over my marriage.
Firstly, from Deuteronomy;
For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. The Lord your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be His people, His treasured possession
And secondly, from Luke, and probably my favourite for it's simplicity...
So Jesus went with them.
{{Selah}}
May you always, Lord.
What would your marriage verse be?
Or your salvation date (marriage to God, perhaps?)
“There is a darkness that would love to choke out a woman’s gift of worship. I have, at times, walked through what feels like fire and ice trying to muster up the courage to step out and really lead people in prayer. To this day that battle still rages; I am at odds with the voices that would insinuate how unworthy I am of this post. That insinuation is, of course, a warped truth. I am unworthy, and yet the mad, glorious way of God is to take unworthy people and declare them to be suited for ministry; and through their lives, reconcile the world to Himself. In the midst of so much deception and fear, I can only be equipped to lead God’s people in sung prayer and worship if I abide in the heart of the Father, take up the cross of Christ, and receive the anointing of the Holy Spirit. These three attitudes of receptivity to God are integral to my ministry; receptivity is a great gift of being feminine; and like Mary, mother of Jesus, we receive Him in order to then “birth” Him into the world…in other words, in receiving God, we can give Him to others”.
The Compassion bloggers have been in Guatemala for 3 days now and I've not mentioned it.
Odd, considering my sponsor child lives there.
Let me explain as best I can.
For whatever reason, I presumed Delmar lived in a house on a lush green hill. With goats. (I am aware this is starting to sound like Heidi) Granted, it was small; one, perhaps two roomed abode, but a still, a house. With walls and a roof and windows cut out (but no glass). Perhaps made of stone. Maybe mud.
This is obviously my idea of poverty.
The reality is heartbreaking. The photos that are coming back have left my preconceived ideas decimated.
Some do live in houses, but more often than not they live in crude shantys. I've seen families of 11 squashed into a dwelling not much bigger than the bed they all sleep on.
The grass is scarce, as it's all been buried under mudslides caused by hurricanes, earthquakes and torrential rain.
And the hill isn't romantic. It's dangerous, and has these little homes stuck to its side and I cling to my seat expecting at any moment to see one fall (yes, in a photo) and take out the one under it, and the next one, and the next one.
And I do not know what my heart feels.
I know it hurts. I know I feel like a selfish worm.
After reading and rereading this exquisite post I think I've suffered either all the stages of grief in half an hour or culture shock here in my own living room. With couches. And glass windows. And walls. Concrete ones, not bed sheets or corrugated iron.
For whatever reason, I thought my $54AU a months dragged them physically out of the muck. My idea of muck. Not reality's muck. To see that it doesn't do either makes me........ (insert feeling I haven't quite pinned down yet)
Because I see parents with eyes co-mingled with grief and hope.
Because I see children with smiles bigger than their faces.
Because I see hands raised in prayer. Because I see children singing in Spanish a song I sang as a child (with the same actions you knew, Lisa-Jo!). Because they now have hopes and dreams. A future.
But most importantly, because I see my Jesus. Their Jesus.
His presence hangs thick. I can see it and feel it through the photos.
His promise to "be in the midst" is as much true there in the have-nothing of Guatemala as it is here in Australia, over in the US or anywhere else His name is breathed and proclaimed Lord.
He just needs us to be his hands and feet and heart and wallet and usher them into the place they can learn that His hand is strong and mighty, and it holds theirs tightly.
I still don't know how to articulate my feelings on seeing where my boy lives, but I do know that what I'm doing is making a difference to him, his sweet, brave mother and his grandfather. In Jesus Name
Click the picture to be directed to Compassion's Guatemala page and sponsor a heart-child
(I called them heart children because that's what I call Delmar. When I clicked on the link to make sure it worked, I realised that if a child has a heart on their profile picture, it means they have been waiting over 6 months for a sponsor. So please... do consider a heart child, in more ways than one)
While I'm sad about it, and I miss her already and have a headache from crying and not crying... it's not where the grief comes in.
I don't believe she knew the Lord.
She converted to Catholosism to marry my Pa, but I don't think there was ever any relationship. I'm sure she believed in God, but... well... we know what James 2:19 says about that.
“God is not a belief to which you give your assent. God becomes a reality whom you know intimately, meet everyday, one whose strength becomes your strength, whose love, your love. Live this life of the presence of God long enough and when someone asks you, “Do you believe there is a God?” you may find yourself answering, “No, I do not believe there is a God. I know there is a God.”
I turned, um, thirty at the beginning of this year.
I'm ok with it now.
But I've been musing on it. It's a strange age. I'm in a juxtaposition of feeling a bizarre mixture of too old for some things, and not mature enough for others.
I don't feel 30. I still feel 19.
I'm the worship co-ordinator at our church. I'm a mother of six children, and a partner/wife of 13 years. My husband and I own three cars. We pay rent. We have bills. Responsibility.
But I still think it's fun to have sleepovers with girlfriends. I still find farts funny. I'm very rarely serious. Adam and I watch stand up comedians on youtube on a regular basis. I still want to flit all over the globe.
I'm finding it difficult to comprehend that people are actually taking me seriously now. I don't feel that I'm any more mature, really, than I was a decade ago. And yet, I also look at some dreams and yearnings that I have and think that I'm too old for those now. I've wasted time.
Adam and I were blessed to be prophesied over. I bawled.
One of the parts I have been meditating over has been that we (Adam and I) are called to work with Youth. The Lord spoke to me in such a way that He made me realise in my heart, not just my head, that His timing is perfect.
Joy!
My dreams and yearnings that are still so dear to me, are still God's heart for me. They will happen. I have not wasted years, I have not missed the jump. While I may think that I'm a bit old in years to work with my beloved teenagers, in my heart, I'm still right there with them... but with the added benefit life know-how.
So, cleaning has ground to a standstill pretty much. The washing machine keeps chugging away, but the mountain of clean clothes in our bedroom is reaching all new heights. If I don't get them folded and put away soon, one of two things will happen, to the same end...
A) They will get spread all over the floor, trodden on and have to be washed again without being worn
or
B) The cat will pee on there somewhere, and it'll all have to be washed again without being worn.
However, I have done enough that Adam and I should be able to pull an all nighter, or at least a late one, and have it done this evening.
But I am emotionally exhausted.
November has been CRAZY financially. We had three cars break down. We had registration due... School bond to pay... money lost... money tied up... the girls ballet production costume hire... food (our one shocking habit)... the fridge needed new seals... the utilities bill is due any day now... and so on and so forth.
I am convinced God will provide. This does not mean however, that the month has not worn me down. It also doesn't mean I didn't totally flip out at the customer service chick on the other end of the line today, when I rang in a panic because my card wouldn't work at the ATM.
"It looks as if your card is damaged. I will send you a new one, but it will take 7-14 days. I hope you didn't need any money."
You know the proverbial last straw? That was it. I crumbled. I completely lost it. Saying such helpful things like "what a stupid thing to say! Why else would I go to an ATM if I didn't need money?!"
I am all forgiveness and light, obviously. And also obviously, my normal, laid back, low blood pressure character was temporarily hijacked by some neurotic psycho with no self control and blood pressure through the roof.
I rang The Hubsand in tears. I never cry over money. Well, hardly ever. Not for a long time, anyway. We have, as I mentioned the other day, guests coming for dinner on Christmas day, and I haven't even started shopping for food, or even ordered the meat. I just didn't see how we could make it work.
Today I will go up to where the kids Christmas toys are on layaway and will cancel it to get the money we have paid on it back. And we will start again, only with less stuff. We will look at getting some of the bigger, more special stuff we had (the Wii etc) in the January sales.
And we will continue to believe that God is in control. We will continue to trust in Him. Sure, I've failed in the "be joyful in ALL things". But I know I've never questioned that He will come through. I might not know how exactly, He plans on doing that, but really, is that for me to know prior to it happening?
Over at Bloom, a lady started a discussion on our focus on Heaven.
In a nutshell, she was wondering why we were being exhorted in Crazy Love, and in other studies she is currently doing to keep our focus on Heaven and be obsessed with it. It made her feel a little uncomfortable that so much focus was on Heaven, and not on works down here.
An excerpt of her discussion
"I don’t see myself preparing for a final day. Instead it’s about living here and now, working for heaven here on earth. Yes, I look forward to seeing Jesus in heaven but while I’m waiting, there are things I can be doing to work towards heaven on earth. As in: “Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven...
I’ve been studying about the prophets and their prophecies about the coming of Christ and what the Gospels write about those prophecies. The first century Israelites (and their forefathers) were longing for a king to change the world. Prophets who wrote about a coming savior were passing on a message from God. The prophets were responding to the yearning of the people for a hope; for a new kind of kingdom with a ruler that brought peace and justice to the world. Jesus was and is that savior. But I see him as coming to change this world not heaven. It makes me uncomfortable to have so much focus be on heaven.”
I thought I might post my own comment back to her here, and see what you all think? What are your views on Heaven?
Good thought provoking question!
I think, that earth is not our Home. We *should* want to go Home. The sole aim and purpose of Jesus coming was to reconcile us to God, so that we can spend eternity with Him. If Christ hadn't come, we'd be doomed to hell, and life here on earth would be pointless.
Hebrews 11:1 tells us "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." We hope for heaven :) We are certain of the existence of God and His Kingdom. Verses 14-16 of Hebrew say "People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them."
If all we did was only for this world, the one that will surely pass away, (Matthew 24:35) then I would think that God made an error. Since we know He cannot, we must presume that there is a reward waiting for us in heaven for all we do. (Matthew 5:12, Luke 6:23)
We are here to influence as many people for the Kingdom as we possibly can. God wants everyone there! Jesus taught A LOT about Heaven; what was in store for us there, who could and couldn't go, what would and wouldn't get you there. The goal of our lives is Heaven. It's our reward. It's to spend all of eternity loving on God, praising and worshiping him... basking in His presence. We are also told, that what we do here on earth will count to what we get in Heaven. So it all works together beautifully :)
We're running a race. We're told to do it faithfully, with all our strength and "for the prize" (1 Corinthians 9:24, Philippians 3:14)
I've been graciously (and daringly) been asked by Jess and Angie to be this weeks Guest Blogger for The Bloom Book-club .
Please know I use the term "blogger" very loosely.
How's everyone doing so far with the book? I'm loving it, but at the same time, I explain it to those I'm talking to that it's an uncomfortable read. It certainly isn't the type of book I would turn to if I was going for a bubble bath and wanted to switch of and not think. It was the type of book that I shoved into the hands of my pastor and said "You need to read this!"
Then realised what I said and had to back pedal.
Love you honey (I found this here after I quickly ducked out of the room. I'm totally leaving it in.)
*happy sigh* He's a sweetie.
I promise I'm going to try very hard not to use any Aussie-isms in this post... but please forgive me if a few slip in there :)
But let's get into the juicy, shall we? And it is a meaty chapter, for me at least. "They've given me the hardest one," I whined to Adam. "He's already explained pretty much everything... what can I add to it? How do I discuss something that is already out there so simply?"
So I started and then got stuck. And got all stressed out. So I jumped on Bloom Chat and picked the minds of The Night Crew without them really being aware. So girls, if you see things you've said here, this is your credit ;) And I heart you.
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I'm going to start by saying that there was no way I was going to be able to cover everything contained in this chapter. So, if I have missed a segment you particularly wanted to be discussed, please hop on over to the Ning site and start a discussion in the forums. Don't be shy or embarrassed! We'd love to hear what you have to say and we honestly look forward to talking with you. I am in no way a bible scholar, and most of the women over there aren't either. All of the women I have encountered over there are lovely and approachable and have a wealth of wisdom and insight. And don't be intimidated by the chat! It goes pretty fast, but you'll get used to it. :) Just jump in and say hi. It's not intimidating. We talk about food and messy houses, hopes, fears and boobs. Seriously. We are so normal.
And, quite obviously, super spiritual.
So... grab your coffee, tea or wine any other caffeinated beverage of choice, because you'll need it. I've waffled rather. It's what happens when there is no word limit. I'm at home with kids all day. I need to use up my quota of adult words.
What I think is the crux of the chapter is that the obsessed are givers. Givers of love, lives, time and resources. They give joyfully, unreservedly and often unrequitedly. Those who are obsessed are willing to do whatever He asks, whenever He asks. I don't think this chapter was written to make you feel like you should be doing doing doing, and if you aren't then you FAIL, or you don't love Jesus. I admit I felt that way at first. But what I think what we need to ask ourselves is "are we surrendered to God?" Are we prepared to say "Speak, Lord, Your servant is listening."? (1 Samuel 3:10)
(There’s a thought... are you the Lord’s servant? Do you do His bidding?)
Please keep in mind through this chapter that just because you haven't sold your house and live in your car and give most of your pay check away, does not mean you are less of a Christian than those who have been called to do so, or feel that they should.
Profile of the Obsessed Francis gave us the definition of Obsessed right at the beginning...
"To have the mind excessively occupied with a single emotion or topic." (Emphasis mine)
Welcome to conviction, Jen. I hope you enjoy your stay.
It's going to be a long chapter. I can tell.
I'll say it right now... I'm not obsessed with Jesus. Not even nearly. But I'd dearly, dearly love to be.
I don't know about you, but there are a million other things that take up my thoughts pretty much most of the time. My thoughts are not obsessively focused on Christ and His Word. Most of the time I'm focused on how many loads of laundry it will take to make it look like I've done something significant today, or where in the world Bethany has lost her glasses again, or what I'm going to cook for dinner or or or...
I like that Chan reminds us of the joy and peace that God bestows upon us when we adore Jesus, follow His Word and are faithful. It helps me to re focus, turn my eyes onto Jesus and try again tomorrow.
So let's look at the profiles of the Obsessed.
Obsessive Givers of Love We all know the golden rule. It's been around since... forever.
When reading that passage from Luke 6, I thought I would research verse 35 a little bit. I looked up what words for, "love" "enemy" and "hate" were used. I asked the questions of whether enemy was for a non believer or a brother or sister "in" Christ who was just a big meanie. Did we just have to be friendly, or show unconditional love?
I'll be honest and own up that I was looking for a cop out.
I didn't get it.
The word for love used is agape. Agape was a word that was created especially to define the love Christians had for each other as opposed to the others; eros (passionate), philia(friendship) and storge (parental/family relational). Agape pretty much means that no matter what the person does to us, we won't let ourselves want anything other than the highest good for them, and that we will go out of our way to be good and kind to them. It's also noted in this instance of implying a perpetual abiding rule of action. Not just forcing a smile whenever we happen to run into them up at Target. All. The. Time. For realz NICE.
The word for enemy, echthros, is a personal one, not, say, a governmental one. The definition of a personal enemy is, basically, anyone who wishes you harm, or opposes your interests, or feels hatred towards you.
The word used for hate is miseo. It means to pursue with hatred or detest. The person who miseo's you makes it pretty well known. They do it doggedly.
I don't know about you, but I personally don't have anyone who hates me that much. At least, not that I know about. But I have had people who have hurt me terribly and very deeply, people I considered close friends. Needless to say, now they aren't my most favourite people. In fact, I've gone out of my way to avoid them. Oh, you know, I forgave them... through clenched teeth (ie. not really) but I'm certainly not going to invite them round for coffee.
Which is where Chan got me. He asked "Are you willing to do good to these people? To reach out to them?" (Pg 131)
Uh, that would be a NO.
I don't retaliate much. (Unless you're my husband or my kids. Then I will. Loudly; and more often than not, colourfully. I'm not proud of it; it's just a sad fact. God and me... we're workin' on it.) I'm a hider. An avoider. You hurt me and I'll pretty much stay out of your way. Oh, I'll snipe about you with my husband later, but I won't confront you. I’ll put on The Face when I can’t duck away before you notice me, and I’ll pretend nothing ever happened... but that’s not what Jesus is asking for here. What Jesus challenges us to do in these cases is to actively think and act nicely towards these people. To walk up to the person who caused you the most pain and bless them.
I heard once that you should pray for your enemies that which you wish for yourself. I think I can do that. It's a start at least. Coffee is still a little too hard at the moment, but I can pray that they are blessed in all areas of their lives, and that God's hand will be upon them. I can pray that the Lord fill me with His love for them... and one can only presume the rest will follow.
Obsessive Givers of Lives As a worship leader, I can remember one Sunday urging the congregation to really mean the words they were singing... not just read them off the screen, but sing them intentionally. I was convicted right there that I myself can get so used to singing a song, what with rehearsals and practice and then typing them all up etc etc... that I too can just rattle them off without thinking about what I'm saying. So, right there on the platform, I promised God that I would always make the effort to mean the words I was singing to Him.
The first song I sang after that silent conversation was "Hosanna" by Brooke Fraser. (LOVE her)
It brought me to my knees.
"Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdoms cause"
*pause*
Did you know that God takes you at your word?
And I can tell you, it changes your perspective. When you ask to receive God's heart, don't be surprised or put out when He gives it to you.
Since that day, my heart has been broken time and time again for the orphan, the unborn/aborted and the trafficked. I can only imagine how He is going to use this in my life. There have been a few windows of opportunity that we are excited to see emerging... but for the most part, we are just here waiting on God's timing, and just being willing and open to His call.
Are we willing to give God everything we are? Not just our will, our mind and our heart... but our body and our very lives? Not just in the way of "Ok, God... I'll do whatever You call me to do" but... are you willing to give your life life?
I'm pretty wrapped up in my kids and my husband. They sort of define me in a way at the moment. I'm certainly known in our church as the one with all the kids. Or Troy's mum. Or whichever child they happen to be talking about at that present time. Am I really willing to give them over to God to use to bring Him Glory?
When Francis was talking about being obsessed with safety, I immediately thought of this video. It cracks me up...
Of course, I know where it comes from (Job 1:10) which makes it even funnier, because it's Satan talking.
All joking aside, I've prayed that prayer. Many times. In many different situations. I think the reason I'm frightened to pray the suggested alternative is that I really kinda don't like pain. And I'm sort of attached to my kids and my husband. They grow on you after a while, y'know? And the first thing I can think of when being bold enough to pray that prayer is horrible things. The prayer that Francis challenges us to pray is right up there with prayers for patience and forgiveness...
DUMB.
Of course if you pray those prayers, something's going to happen to actually give you the chance to exercise those things.
I avoid those prayers like the plague.
The idea of praying that prayer Francis offered scares me... what if God decides to test me by taking one of The Multitude? What if we're in an accident and I, you know... get hurt? Or worse... bleed? An obsessed person, as the little synopsis thingie stated, “cares more about God's Kingdom coming to this earth than their own lives being sheltered from pain or distress.” (Pg 133)
*uncomfortable*
Obsessive Givers of Time After reading this chapter, I said to myself "I’m not doing enough. I don’t' help out at a soup kitchen. I'm not on the cleaning roster at church. I'd rather shove peas up my nose than help out in the crèche or Kids Church. I'm obviously not Obsessed with Jesus, because I just do the worship and music and stuff."
And then I sulked and felt bad and drank too much Coke.
But one of the girls on chat mentioned that sometimes, we forget that as mothers our time is usually taken up with giving our time to our family, and often it's the things we do day in day out 24/7, 365 days a year that, even though we kind of don't notice it any more (and neither do our husbands most of the time *grin*), they are the things that we are obsessively giving. We give to others, not ourselves, when we are obsessed. I know I'm certainly not cleaning up the same mess I mopped up yesterday (and the day before and the day before that) for my own self amusement.
Call me strange.
I am in no way saying that we should leave all the serving up to those dear single people or those whose children have grown. But while obsessed people are givers of their time, I doubt strongly that the Lord wants us to spread ourselves too thin... remember He often tells us to just be still. As always, take the time to listen to the Lord. But also remember... when He tells you to go... go.
But what do you have at hand that you can do? Not everything needs to take you away from your family (or your other commitments if you are single... see... I remember you too!) Are you able to open your home to take in someone who needs a place to crash for a night or six? Are you able to cook a meal for someone who’s just had a baby? Are you in a position to swing ten minutes out of your way to carpool with someone who can’t afford to fill their own car with fuel? What about caring for a single mother’s child/ren while she’s at work so she doesn’t have to pay for child care? Can you sit and listen to that girlfriend who's having boy problems again and actually listen and respond with care and deliberation, not just going "uh huh... yuh... yep... I know.... uh huh..."
It doesn’t even have to be things like that which take up large chunks of time... can you carve out 5 minutes in your week to sit down and write a note or a card to encourage someone on team at your church, or a congregation member who looked a little strung out last Sunday? Can you find 20 minutes when the baby is asleep or instead of watching the show you watch religiously to make a phone call to the lonely elderly lady who’s family live in another state? If you’re mowing your lawn... and your neighbour jokes for the hundredth time “want to do mine when you’re done?”... how ‘bout, instead of the half grimace smile and polite barely-a-laugh, answering joyfully “Sure!” (Or send your hubby to do it... nothing wrong with delegating *wink*)
Not everything is grandiose, but everything measures for something in Eternity. And you may probably never know exactly how much those few moments of your surrendered time might mean to those you bestow it upon.
Just take care not to measure your deeds, or keep a list... like, “today I did such and such and yesterday I did this, that and the other. Look Self! (and God) I'm Serving!” If we’re measuring, then we’ve missed the point. Also, remind yourself that measuring is different from being careful to make sure our primary priorities, such as our spouse or our kids, are not being abandoned.
Obsessive Givers of Resources Do you give sacrificially?
I remember how our church put on a little public bbq thing for ANZAC day. There were games, face painting and balloon sculptures. It was all free, and that was indulged in readily and heartily.
The interesting thing was the free food.
We gave away drinks, sausages, cookies and bananas. (We have a banana farmer in our congregation.) We literally had to force them into people’s hands. They weren't used to being given something like that with nothing being asked for in return.
Where I live, we are experiencing the worst housing crisis of any city in Australia, and perhaps the western world. People are living in tents because there is just nowhere else for them to go.
And the rainy season is just about here.
I'm not talking about a couple of sprinkles and a few puddles or a big rain ... Monsoon. Pretty much every day.
For four months.
There are the working homeless; people who have well paying jobs, but have no other choice but to sleep in their car at the beach. I've heard stories of pregnant women in tents, due to give birth any time soon and families of five living in one room in a parents house. One mother has been couch hopping with her two small children for nearly a year, and she’s running out of friends. To add insult to injury, we also have the highest rent and buying costs of any capital city in the country.
But at the same time... I don't know where these people are. I don't know what they need, besides a roof over their heads. I also couldn't tell you where to go to hand out food parcels. Like Francis, I have not intentionally gone to look for those in need.
When Francis told of the reactions of people when he sold his house, so that he could donate the extras to the poor, I chuckled to myself, because I had heard every single one of those... only they were talking about how many children we had.
Lots of people think we are crazy for having (almost) six kids. They are being nice about this pregnancy, more than they were the last one, where some people were downright hateful. Either that or they think we're nuts, and it's better not to disturb the unbalanced.
This really doesn't have much to do with being crazy in your literal interpretation of the bible, but it does example what people will think if you go against the "norm". Or when you don't do the "comfortable" Christianity so many seem to enjoy. Adam and I have a sponsor child in Guatemala, and even in the toughest times, like Jess spoke about on the video last week, it was never an option to not pay for his support. In our family, what we pay to Delmar each month costs the same as a dinner trip to MacDonald’s for all of us. In the greater scheme of things, it's not much. We hope to have at least as many sponsor children as we have biological ones... something that some people look at us strangely for, and question whether it’s a wise or fiscal decision. And whenever we mention that we would like (in about 5 or so years) to adopt a girl or two from a country where the sex slave trade is highest, people throw their hands up in horror and give us up as hopeless.
Putting yourself out there for others makes people uncomfortable. It's not your fault.
It's theirs.
Just run with it, and don't worry what people say. In the end, God isn't going to care about what other people thought at the time. He'll be more concerned with what He thought, and your reaction to that.
Jesus doesn't ask all of us to go off to serve in Africa, or start crisis pregnancy centres, or adopt eleventy-three orphans. For most of us it's just the everyday stuff that almost seems like it doesn't really matter... the child minding, the loving on our husbands and/or family, the prods to watch the way you speak to people or to adjust your attitude to house cleaning... Of course, those last two could just be mine, but you get the idea.
Be surrendered. Be willing. Take joy in serving others.
And Then There’s Our First Love Not only do the obsessed love others, they love Jesus. Passionately. Since we can’t go up and hug Jesus personally just yet, our adoration plays out in doing what He asks of us. Jesus said in the first part of John 14:21 “Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me.”
Under the subheading “The Rooted”, Chan writes as a summary, “People who are obsessed with God have an intimate relationship with Him. They are nourished by His Word throughout the day because they know that 40 minutes on a Sunday is not enough to sustain them for a whole week...” (Pg 145)
I vaguely remember Quiet Time. And yet, ridiculously, I wonder sometimes why my relationship with Jesus isn’t all it could or should be. A couple of weeks ago, during the sermon, the preacher said that he remembered a card on their mother’s dressing table mirror that said “Feeling far from God? Guess who moved.” You just can’t expect your relationship with your Heavenly Father to thrive and grow and deepen if you don’t actually deliberately draw aside to spend time with Him. Obsessed people spend as much time with Him as they can, are devoted to Him, and delight in bringing Glory to His name. They want to be like Christ... humble, forgiving, loving, giving, and in constant commune with the Father. They long for heaven, and remember, like Clara, that “You must be ready... It will be good for that servant whom the master finds doing so when he returns.” (Luke 12:40a & 43)
I remember when I was first dating Adam that all I wanted to do was be with him. If I could have crawled inside of his skin, I would have. There was nothing I wouldn't do for him, fetch for him, gift him... We spent hours on the phone, we wrote letters and notes to each other and we wagged (skipped) more classes than I think we attended because we just wanted to be together.
When was the last time you (I) felt like that about Jesus? That crazy, all consuming, obsessive love?
Or has your love not waned, exactly, but settled into a comfortable sort of... complacency?
"A person who is obsessed is characterised by a committed, settled, passionate love for God, above and before every other thing and every other being" (pg 143)
Have you ever wondered if God looks at us and thinks to himself that we're perpetually like kids on an extended holiday?
For example, today, the very. first. day, my children have been *Argumentative *Bored *Fidgety *Testing *Loud *Unhelpful *Disobedient
They've hit each other, lied, yelled, broken things and thrown tantrums.
Isn't it great to know that our Father God doesn't get snappy like I do, or shrill, fed up, short tempered or longing for the day when "they'll be gone all day".
My kids are a handful. I will be relying on Him a lot.
Wife of Adam and mum of 6 Pro Bono. Lazy prefectionist who's house is a magazine spread in my head. Real life? Not so much. Aspiring writer of songs and books. I own lots of notebooks.
I'm participating
For the love of Sara
The most precious, bravest, glorious soul I've ever had the privilege to call friend.
Please read Sara's blog. Allow her to change you.
Permit her legacy of loving hard, trusting always and choosing joy to live on.
