The Party That Never Quits

What I heard my pastor say on Sunday:

"raise your hand...tired...weary...raising children"

Surely, and without pride, up goes my hand.

And only my hand.

The pastor asked me what else I lie about...

An elder laughs.

A friend four rows behind me busts out with "I knew it!"

Adam leans over and whispers:

"yeah, that was a negative question Jen."

Turns out, what he'd actually said was

"Raise your hand if you never feel tired or wearing raising children."

The new book for the Bloom Book club has been announced, and I can't wait to read it.



Angie and Jess said it their video release (that sounds so cool) that author Wayne Muller gives practical ways of creating a Sabbath. I hope so. I've found a lot of these book tend to be aimed at mothers that already have life pretty well together, and I, well... I so don't.

Our pastor is doing a series at church at the moment called "Servants & Stewards".

On Sunday, he said something like (because i didn't have a pen... or a notebook for that matter, I'll paraphrase)

"Quite often, we don't see growth in one area,
because we don't have another area in order"

Cue conscience prick.

I struggle very, very much with keeping a tidy home. I wish it to be a warm, restful, calm haven for my husband and family, but long ingrained requirements and definitions of clean and tidy make the task seem overwhelming.

My name is Jenny, and I suffer from CHAOS.

And a symptom of said CHAOS, is I don't feel I deserve a Sabbath.

I struggle to justify doing anything when so much is needed to be done in my home. I felt guilty the entire time I was sewing the other week. I have stacks of patterns I need to make up, but won't let myself, because I feel I don't deserve it. I don't go on outings with the children, because the time would be better spent tidying up the brothel I call a kitchen.

I don't have quiet time, I don't work out, I don't shower (hows that for honesty) because I feel that I'm being selfish to take time for me when that is time I should be using to clean.

Shitty thing about it, is that time I'm "saving" I don't actually do anything with, because I'm so intimidated by the sheer mountain of stuff that needs to be done. I hate only half doing things, so when I clean, it ALL must be done. And if I can't get it all done in my allotted time, then I won't even begin.

It's a vicious cycle.

If we're going to be brutally honest here, there are to major sins I see outworking in this area of my life.

Pride and Laziness

The way the pride comes into it is almost backwards. I want to have a clean house so it makes me look good. If I can't, then why bother?

Control issues, much?

Laziness... apathy... meh.

Meh.

That's my attitude most days. It's a constant fight in my head. I wake up wanting desperately to get into it and just get it done already. And then the kids will fight as they are waking up.

Meh.

I walk out to try and figure out breakfast, only to be confronted with every dish in the sink, dirty.

Meh.

The clothes I managed to wash last night when I did the uniforms have been dumped out of the dryer all over the floor.

Meh.

But it's not just meh. That's how I cope. Inside, I'm angry and guilty and feeling like a failure on so many levels it's not funny.

I'm thinking it's just going to take a concerted effort to overcome this battle I have in my mind... and my heart. I'm going to have to start making small changes, start new habits. Change my mindset.

Begin.

Do you have any tips that work for you
to keep your house under controll?

Come over to Bloom's new home and join us in pulling this book to bits, then sticking it all back together so it impacts our lives in practical ways.

I desperately wanted braces.

I know.

I've always been sensitive about my teeth. I used to have really large gaps in them. My parents always said no, because, aparently, my wisdom teeth would push them together. (ps. it didn't happen) While they have closed up significantly, they are still a sore point with me. Especially when someone I hadn't seen for a decade ran into me and promptly sai "Oh! You've grown into your teeth!"

Hmm. Thanks for that.

I have a ski-jump nose. I'm actually starting to think I have a big nose, but the hubsand is adamant that it was just the angle of the photo. I remember being told once that they didn't like people with up-pointy noses, because it meant they were snobby.

Righty.

When I was in about 8th grade (and for an undisclosed time afterwards) I used to put rubberbands around my top teeth, thinking my home made dental retainer just might help matters.

Somewhere inbetween 8th and 10th grades I became so fed up with peoples jibes about my nose, I thought I'd better do something about it.

So I tried to file it down.

Oh, yes I did.

With an emery board no less.



Wasn't the tweens a fun time?






That was sarcastic, by the way.